


Why I Live

by flowerslovestories



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A resolution story, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Did so much proofreading before posting, F/M, Implied safe sex, Implied safety and health precautions followed, Is there a HEA somewhere in this thing?, Loosely based from a friend's experience, Not Beta Read, Other, Rey and Ben are in their 30s, Someone ends up in a hospital, Someone finds new love, Throws in some smut scenes, grandparents are the best, tons of angst, tons of feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:15:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 20,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28442286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerslovestories/pseuds/flowerslovestories
Summary: Set two weeks after their musical reunion, Rey and Ben are so in love with each other. However, and unintentionally, Allana still remains a mystery to Ben as Rey cannot find the right opportunity to tell him about her. That is, until fate plays her wicked hand and brings the secret out in the open. Will their love survive this test?
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 7
Kudos: 20





	1. Before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, there! Happy Holidays! Hope you are safe and sound with your loved ones.
> 
> First, I’d like to extend my gratitude for those who’ve read my fic debuts and left their kudos and comments. It was lovely to know that this little experiment of a response to a prompt reached people. I can’t thank you enough.
> 
> I know I said I won’t be writing another fan fiction in the same magnitude as what I did for [Come What May](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27906661) and [Until My Dying Day](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27907441) \-- technically, I still won’t because I find the experience still a bit scary -- but the comments I received, mostly from Rey’s perspective of the fic, were all about the resolution to Allana’s story. 
> 
> When I included that subplot, I knew I was going to get comments about it. I heard you, loud and clear. Truth be told, I already had a vision on how this will really end. It was all a matter of finding time to write it down, so here I am, finally presenting you a two-part odyssey that is almost twice the length of both Come What May and Until My Dying Day combined (*blushes then hides*).
> 
> The title of this fic is a line from a song from another musical, Passion by Stephen Sondheim, entitled Loving You. I particularly adore the [version](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7kJ0ZcMzsE) that Barbara Streisand did with Patrick Wilson from her album, Encore, which also featured [Daisy Ridley](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAjMCM8IQaM)!
> 
> Please note the additional tags for some warnings; I didn’t put much though as it might give away the story. Also, when you see this -- ******* -- that means you can rest before continuing to read. 
> 
> Hope this lives up to be the bow that ties all the fics together. Thanks for reading!

If a fortune teller told Ben Solo two weeks ago… although he isn’t the type who believed in such… that love will never be in his cards again, he would’ve agreed. However, as he woke up one New York morning to a feeling of a warm body beside him on his bed, the rueful smile forming on his face can light up a whole block.

Since their fateful musical reunion, Rey and Ben are seeing each other a lot. Despite their busy schedules, they manage to meet for dinner, talk about what they’ve been doing, steal a kiss or two then have a nightcap afterwards at his place… and always at his place because Rey insists that there is some maintenance work being done at her apartment. It took three dates before they started having sex and he often finds Rey gone, much to his chagrin, when he sleeps after he hits his peak. It was only last night, after swearing to himself he’d get better at it and ended up giving her four mind-blowing orgasms… her words, not his… that made her feel exhausted enough to sleep over.

Ben’s thoughts are broken by Rey stirring from her sleep. Even with tousled hair, she still looks beautiful.

“Hey, handsome. Good morning.”

Rey lifts her head from Ben’s bare chest and kisses him on his lips. Ben hums his contentment as he returns the kiss.

“Good morning to you too, beautiful. Did you sleep well?” He smirks.

Ben’s question earns a playful jab from Rey. She chuckles.

“Ben, the next time you decide to bring out that side of yours again, perhaps you can give me a warning.”

“Rey, the next time you decide to wear a form-fitting dress, perhaps you can tell me ahead of time.”

Both laugh. Once their mirth settles, they find themselves looking silently at each other. Ben caresses Rey’s back while her fingers touch his chest absentmindedly.

“I love you, Rey.”

“I love you too, Ben.”

Ben flips Rey over and kisses her passionately, which she returns in kind. He moves down her chin, her neck, her collarbone. Her moans encourage him. He is close to her breasts when Rey’s phone rings.

“Don’t answer,” came Ben’s muffled response as his lips starts to graze the valley between her breasts.

“But it might be important,” Rey replies but she doesn’t stop Ben nonetheless, as she moves underneath him to accommodate him further.

It’s when Ben’s phone rings that stops him. If any of his team were calling him, he may have ignored them. Even without looking at the screen, Ben knows the call is coming from his mother and he needs to answer it.

One of the things Ben first fixed after Snoke died is his relationship with his family at Rose’s encouragement. She pointed out that he’s still lucky his parents are still alive unlike hers. It took a while before Ben made the first call, after Bazine tracked them down, as there was a part of him that harbored anger on how they raised him, for the abandonment he felt when they focused on their careers, among many things. Now retired -- Leia Organa, a former playwright and composer like him, and Han Solo, a former ambassador -- both his parents are now living in the family’s old estate in the Hamptons.

“Rey, sorry. It’s my mom.”

“Go ahead, Ben. I’ll check who called me.”

Rey gets off the bed and goes into Ben’s bathroom, her cellphone in hand. Ben hits the answer button.

“Hi, mom.”

“Hi Ben,” comes Leia’s voice on the other end, “I’m sorry to bother you so early in the morning but I wanted to check with you if you’re coming over this Christmas.”

“Yes, I am. I’ll hit the road on the 24th.”

“The 24th? There’s going to be a lot of traffic then. Can’t you come in a day or two earlier?”

“Sorry, mom. There’s still some work I need to finish and it’ll take me until the 23rd to close everything.”

Leia sighed, “Okay. Are you bringing Rey with you?”

“Um, I haven’t asked her yet but I’ll let you know the soonest. Where’s dad?”

“He’s in his office, leafing through his old documents as usual.”

Ben can imagine his father, his reading glasses on, looking at his papers.

“Anyway, mom, I gotta go. I’ll see you.”

“See you, Ben. Bye.” Leia hung up.

Ben turns around and sees Rey fully dressed. She approaches his side of the bed, leans over and kisses him on his lips.

“Sorry love, I have to go. That was Snap. I forgot I got a meeting in two hours and I need to prep. Dinner later?”

“Oh, sure. Dinner it is.”

“I’ll call you. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Rey exits his bedroom. It takes nearly five minutes before Ben hears his private lift close with a short bell sound.

_Hmm, that took a while. Is somebody else here?_

He quickly gets a towel, wraps his bottom half and goes out of his bedroom.

“Ben, for the love of all things holy, can you please put a shirt on?”

It is Rose, who is trying to her best not to look annoyed upon seeing him half-naked.

“I know we’re best friends but there are limits. This is one of those.” Rose continues as she regards his state, her hand moving up and down.

“Rose, it’s 7:00 a.m. Why are you here so early? Also, you know my rule about getting into my apartment without my knowledge.”

Rose huffed, “Ben, is your brain addled by too much alcohol and sex? Have you forgotten that we got an interview with the Today Show? You told me last night to go straight to your apartment since the interview time is at 8:30 a.m. We still have to discuss your responses and the glam team will be here in 30 minutes. Get decent.”

For a petite woman, Rose commands such a presence that’s hard to argue with especially when she’s angry.

“Yes, ma’am. Give me 15.”

Ben goes back to his bedroom and straight to his bathroom to bathe. His hair is still wet when he rejoins Rose in the kitchen. He really doesn’t bother drying it up because he knows the glam team will fix it. He playfully nudges Rose, as if to say sorry. She passes a cup of coffee and a plate of waffles to him, a silent acceptance to his apology.

Since Ben doesn’t have any siblings, Rose is like a sister to him. She’s the most senior member of his team, having been in his life for close to a decade. They met when they worked together in Andrew Snoke’s theatre company. She was a new graduate from NYU when she became a production assistant and worked with him in one of his earlier productions. Rose is smart, tough and reliable but compassionate and patient. They became friends instantly and together, they suffered through the hardships that Snoke put them in. When an opportunity arrived for Rose to become a junior PR specialist, she left the theatre company and pursued that path. Ben liked her so much that when Snoke suggested hiring his own publicist from the firm that Rose happened to work for, he chose her. Her career grew along with him. She’s currently one of her firm’s Assistant PR Directors, overseeing the theatre branch of the business, but she keeps her publicist role for Ben and only for him.

Rose looks at him as he is putting maple syrup on his waffles. He can sense that she wants to say something. He doesn’t wait long enough to know what it is.

“Ben, I’m happy for you.”

“Really? For a while there, you wanted to cut me down to size.”

Rose rolls her eyes, “Who wouldn’t? You have every conceivable robe known to man yet you choose a towel. You’re too comfortable with me, Solo, it’s disgusting.” She sticks her tongue out.

“Real mature, Tico. Real mature.”

“You’re really serious with Rey, huh?”

Ben considers her statement, “Do you doubt it?”

“It’s not that I doubt it, Ben. She broke you when she left, remember? I mean, sure, you’d argue that it’s your fault because you drove her away but… Ben… your relationship with her left you in such a damaged, fragile state that you didn’t have any serious relationship with anyone after.”

“I did so.”

“You didn’t, Ben, unless you call that with what you did to those three chorus girls before. It was a sprint, not a marathon.”

Ben’s cheeks turn beet red at the memory. Rose laughs. They are disturbed by a bell sound from the apartment’s private lift, where the glam team enters, as well as Bazine and Kaydel. Bazine leads the glam team to his home office, which is adjacent to his recording studio, to set up.

Kay takes a look at Ben and said, “Hmm, a blush. It looks good on you, Ben.”

Rose laughs some more, which prompted Kay to ask.

“Did I say something wrong?”

Rose replied, “Nothing Kay, but you’re right, it does look good on him.” She winks at him.

“Anyway, I’ll see you both inside. There are some urgent things I need to discuss before the interview.” Kay said, all business again as she goes to the home office to join Bazine which leaves Ben alone with Rose again.

“And here I am wondering why we never hooked up,” Ben jokes in an attempt to get back at Rose for the embarrassing recollection.

“Because one… I will never put up with your brooding, lonely boy bullshit… two, I had a boyfriend back then… three, you’re not my type, Solo… so get over it,” came Rose’s retort.

“Ouch.”

Ben pretends to hold his heart as if he is in pain.

Rose pulls him by his arm, “Stop being such a baby. We don’t have much time. Love sick people. Ugh.”

Ben laughs as he walks with Rose to his home office. If being in love made him this happy, he doesn’t want to stop feeling this way again.

*******

Rey enters her apartment and walks quietly to her room, hoping her discreet entrance will not wake anybody. She notices that Finn, who agreed to sit for Allana last night, is sleeping soundly on her couch. As soon as she enters her room, she goes to her bathroom to take a hot shower.

As she is massaging some shampoo onto her hair, she winces a little. She feels sore from what happened last night with Ben. She looks at her body and notices some red marks near her right breast. She whispers her gratitude since she can hide them easily underneath a shirt, though it doesn’t stop her from blushing at the memory of how she got them in the first place.

Since their musical reunion, she and Ben started to date again. At first, it was merely catching up with each other until their third date, when they first had sex. It felt like a dry run to her, much like the first time they sang their duet again. It still managed to make her heart flutter but she felt increasingly frustrated with the succeeding ones especially when Ben got easily tired after he came, that she almost faked an orgasm by their 7th date. She goes home as soon as Ben falls asleep but she always leaves a note, using one white lie after another.

Ben, much to her amusement, sensed there was something wrong that he even questioned if he was doing things right since it’s been a while and if he was making her happy. Rey knew Ben needed a little encouragement. She pulled out one of her Hervé Leger dresses from her closet, a sheer little black number that hugged her figure in all the right places and showed the right amount of skin. The moment she took her coat off in Le Bernardin, Ben could hardly contain himself that she even wondered how they got through the main course. His patience ran out by the time dessert came that he decided to skip it, called for his town car and went back to his apartment. He carried her to his bedroom as soon as they got in and she found herself at the receiving end of possibly the best sex she’s ever had.

While she is happy that she got over her sex life’s hump, Rey’s frustration in some other aspects of her relationship with Ben still gnaws at her… well, one aspect to be exact, which is Allana. All their intimate encounters happened in Ben’s apartment and whenever he asks when he’ll get to see hers, Rey will say that maintenance work is being done. In truth, she can’t since Allana is with her. She wants to tell Ben first about Allana before he meets her. However, whenever she gets an opportunity or tries to ease the topic into their conversations, especially when they start discussing about their life together, a phone call will either disturb her or Ben and it is lost.

Rey exits the bathroom and towels herself off. She puts on a pair of blue slim-fit boyfriend jeans and a pink cashmere knit sweater, and goes to her kitchen to make breakfast. She smells coffee and some eggs being cooked as she nears and sees Finn, also looking fresh from a bath, working the stove.

“Good morning, Rey. Just in time for breakfast. What time did you get in?”

Rey looks at her empty left wrist, as if she wore a watch, and said, “Um, almost an hour ago.”

Finn turns around and puts the scrambled eggs on a plate on the counter and said, “Well… well… well… Am guessin’ the dress worked its magic, huh?”

Rey blushes, “Shhh, stop it. Allana might wake up.”

Finn replied, “Checked the little peanut, she’s still asleep. You may want to wake her up though since Dr. Holdo will be here at 9:00 a.m. Breakfast will be ready in 10 minutes.”

Rey nods in acknowledgement as she goes to Allana’s room to wake her up.

Since learning that Armie wasn’t her real dad, both of them decide to hire the services of Dr. Amilyn Holdo, one of the best psychiatrists in New York and a family friend of his, for private sessions in her apartment to make sure Allana is getting the right care. She and Armie recognize the need, only because their divorce is relatively recent. They did the same when they were still in LA and it was effective in helping Allana as they went through their separation.

To Rey’s relief, Amilyn dealt with similar cases before which helped her navigate her sessions with Allana. The objective is clear: to help Allana manage the transition from the admission to eventually meeting Ben. Amilyn made sure that, in their sessions, Allana is free to express herself. Armie stayed a few more days to do his part in Allana’s treatment before he can no longer ignore his responsibilities in LA, but he checks in whenever he can.

The first few sessions saw Allana’s confusion in the situation, as Rey’s admission finally sunk in, asking how she got two dads in the first place. Rey did her best to patiently explain how it happened, profusely apologized for the role she played in it and shared that she did it because she loved her, all with Amilyn’s guidance. Amilyn sensed that Allana needs all the love and support from the people in her life, which she got, even from Armie’s parents. The breakthrough came when Allana started to ask about Ben: what does he look like, where does he live, what does he do.

With Finn’s help, Rey slowly introduced Ben to her. She showed her a picture, to which Allana said -- “Oh, I do look like him.” -- and told her what he did. She showed her the edited video from their musical reunion -- “His voice is lovely, mum.” Today’s session is when Rey will tell Allana how she met Ben. It is also going to be the day where Amilyn will make her assessment on Allana’s readiness so that they can continue with the next phrase.

Rey sits on Allana’s bed and brushes a stray hair on her forehead. Allana wakes up.

“Hi, mum. Good morning.” Allana yawns, stretches and snuggles close to her.

“Good morning. Rise and shine, my darling. Dr. Holdo will be here in an hour.”

Allana pulls herself up and said, “Okay. What are we going to do today, mum?”

“Well, today I’m going to tell you the story of how I met Ben as promised.”

“When will I meet Ben, mum?”

“Soon, sweetheart, but we will have to wait until Dr. Holdo says it is okay for you to meet him.”

“Why? Is there something wrong with him?”

Rey cannot stop a chuckle escape her lips, “No, my darling. There’s nothing wrong with him. Ben is a busy person like your mum so it might take a while.”

“Okay. I’m hungry.” At this, Rey’s laughter is uncontrollable. Allana definitely inherited that trait from her.

“Me too, sweetheart. Uncle Finn prepared breakfast. Let’s go.”

Allana bounds off her bed, runs to the kitchen and into the waiting arms of Finn, who tickles her, then helps her settle on one of the stools surrounding the kitchen counter. The doorbell to her apartment rings and Rey volunteers to get the door, where she sees Amilyn Holdo, arriving earlier than expected.

“Hey, Amilyn. Good morning! What brings you in so early?”

“Hi, Rey. Sorry about that. Did you get my message?”

“Oh, bugger. I haven’t checked my messages.”

“Yeah, hope it’s okay that we have today’s session a little earlier. I got asked at the last minute to attend a PTA meeting for my son at 10:00 a.m. and I don’t want to abruptly cut the session so…”

“Got it. That’s kind of you. Allana is in the kitchen eating breakfast. Join us, Finn cooked more than enough.”

“Thanks, it’s okay…”

“I insist.”

Rey and Amilyn go to the kitchen where that latter is welcomed by Finn and exchange pleasantries. He gets another plate and a set of utensils and sets it in front of Amilyn.

“I can eat somewhere if you need some privacy.”

Amilyn shrugged, “No need. You can stay. This is good actually.”

After a while, Allana acknowledges Amilyn’s presence.

“Hi, Dr. Holdo! I’m sorry I didn’t say hello immediately. Mum said it’s bad to speak to people when your mouth is full.”

“That’s okay, Allana. Hope you’re enjoying breakfast.”

“Yes. Uncle Finn makes the best breakfast, even better than dad’s… but don’t tell him that.”

Laughter erupts from everyone around the counter. Once everyone finished their breakfast, they move to the living room, cups of tea in tow while Allana is holding on to a mug of hot chocolate. Amilyn opens the conversation as soon as they sit comfortably.

“Allana, do you remember what we are going to do today?”

“Yes, mum’s going to tell me how she met Ben,” Allana replies.

“That’s right. Remember, if you have any questions or want to say something while your mum is telling her story, you can say it anytime.”

Allana nods and Rey has her full attention as she starts talking about how she met Ben. Amilyn coached Rey to tell it as if she was reading a fairy tale by using simple, positive words without glossing over any details, no matter how uncomfortable they are. Allana asks how they fell love. Rey shares she fell in love the moment she met Ben and more so when they did their acting drills in school. She shares about their adventures together when they starred in their first musical and everything else in between. Rey tells Allana that Ben made her happy and she did the same for him too. The next question that escapes Allana’s lips is perhaps what Rey dreads most to hear:

“So what happened, mum? Why are you and Ben not together if you are in love?”

If the old Rey was the one sharing the story, she may have said something that will put Ben in a bad light. She’s no longer that person and she gives an answer, maybe the most truthful one she ever said or can admit, even to herself.

“Ambition drew us apart, my love. We thought we wanted the same things. We were so young and we fell in love so fast and so quickly, we thought that was enough for us. That’s why I went to LA to fulfil that ambition of mine: to be an actor.”

“And that’s how you met dad, right?”

“That’s correct, sweetheart.”

“But mum, you and dad are still friends even if you’re no longer together. Why is it that you and Ben are not?”

“We lost touch, my love. When we went our separate ways, we were both angry at each other. We channeled our anger…”

“What’s channel, mum?”

Amilyn intervenes before Rey continued, “Allana, when a person ‘channels’ their feelings… whether it is anger or joy… what happens is they use it as energy to help them do something else.”

“Oh, so like when Uncle Finn goes to the gym when he and Uncle Poe have a fight?”

Finn starts to shrink in his chair and Rey has a wide grin on her face.

Amilyn said, “Something like that, Allana. That’s very good. Rey?”

“Like I said, my love, Ben and I channeled our anger into our work. We used it to create a lot of good things and we ended being successful at what we do because of it. We didn’t have any time to talk and we lived far away from each other, that’s why we lost touch.”

“Mum, does Ben know about me?”

Silence fell in the room. Rey considers what she is going to tell Allana. Amilyn gives an encouraging nod and Rey remembers her promise to not keep any more secrets from her daughter.

“Not yet, sweetheart. I promise I will tell Ben about you and you will meet him soon. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, mum.”

On Amilyn’s cue, Finn asks Allana if she wants to buy some cupcakes from the nearby bakery, which she happily agrees. After swaddling her with warm clothing and a mask, Finn leaves the apartment with Allana, so Amilyn and Rey can talk.

“So what do you think, Amilyn?”

“To be honest, Rey, I am very impressed with Allana’s progress since our first session. You should be proud of yourself too, for handling this the way you did. I know it hasn’t been easy.”

“Thank you, Amilyn. You’ve been such a wonderful partner in all this.”

“You’re welcome dear, but we’re not done yet. I think now, our next set of sessions should include Ben. I think Allana’s ready since she’s genuinely interested in him. I hope it’s okay with you if we scheduled it next year though. My family and I will be in Boston over the holidays. That should give you enough time to break the news to Ben about Allana. I sense he doesn’t know yet, does he?”

“Yes. It’s been tricky. I’ve tried to find or create opportunities to tell him about Allana but something always comes up. I hope I’ll be able to find some way to tell Ben before our next session. The timing should be enough, I guess.”

“Good. I should be getting along. Happy holidays, Rey!”

“Happy holidays to you, Amilyn! Please send my regards to your family.”

Rey escorts Amilyn out of the apartment just as Finn arrives with Allana, a box of cupcakes in his hand.

“Mum, I bought your favorite. I got two of them.”

“Thank you, sweetheart. Go to your room and bathe please. Your dad will be calling soon to check in.”

“Okay, mum.” Allana goes to her room, leaving her and Finn.

“What did the doc say?”

“Allana’s doing great. She wants Ben to join the succeeding sessions once she comes back from Boston after the holidays.”

“That’s good. Speaking of Ben, have you told him already?”

“No. I’m having a hard time. It always gets sidelined by either a call on his part or mine, and finding another opportunity is tricky. I mean, I can’t just spring the news on him. I’ll try again later when I meet him for dinner tonight.”

Finn nods his agreement. Suddenly, her phone buzzes and she gets a message from Ben.

_Hi, Rey. I’m sorry I need to cancel our dinner tonight. I need to oversee the string quartet recording for the tracks I’m remastering and the studio needs the final cut by lunch tomorrow. I’ll make it up to you. Love you._

Rey mutters as she types her reply, “It’s okay, Ben. I’ll see you tomorrow. I’ll move our dinner reservation. Love you too.” She hits send and exhales her frustration.

“What happened?” Finn asked.

“Ben cancelled our dinner date. He’s got some work to complete by lunchtime tomorrow.”

“Rey, don’t worry. Since the sessions will resume next year, you got plenty of time to tell Ben and deal with whatever reaction he might have about Allana.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

“Anyway, as much as I love babysitting my little peanut and helping you out, I need to go. I told Poe I’d meet him for lunch.”

“It’s okay. Thanks, Finn!”

Finn escorts himself out of the apartment. Rey looks at the clock in her living room before she goes to Allana’s room to get her before Armie calls.

_I’ve got time. I’ll have plenty of opportunities to tell Ben about Allana._

Or so she thought.

*******

Rey and Allana are settled in her home office, just in time as Armie’s call comes in.

“Hello, sweetheart. Hi, Rey.”

“Hi, dad.”

“How did your talk with Dr. Holdo go this morning?”

“It was good. Mum told me her story on how she met Ben. I asked a lot of questions.”

“Hope you didn’t give your mum a hard time.”

Rey chimes in, “She didn’t Armie.”

She looks at Allana before continuing, “I think she did a great job. Amilyn was impressed.”

Armie replies, “That’s good.”

Allana asks, “Dad, where are you? That’s not your office in LA.”

Armie smiles at Allana’s perceptiveness, “That’s right, sweetheart. I got a surprise for you.”

The screen shifts to reveal Armie’s parents, Brendol and Maratelle. Allana squeals with delight.

“Mamó! Dadó!”

Maratelle regards Allana, “Surprise, dear! Hi, Rey.”

“Hi, mum. Hi, dad.” Rey acknowledges.

Allana adores Armie’s parents and so does she. Rey owes them a lot for whatever success she gained in her acting career when she moved to LA. After completing their shoot for their first movie together, Armie’s parents became heavily involved. Like her, Maratelle is a multi-awarded actress with several film and TV credits to her name while Brendol, a lawyer and former Solicitor General during the Clinton administration, owns a law firm in California. Perhaps out of their love for Armie, being their only son and sensing his love for her and her daughter, they were integral in keeping Allana hidden and unknown through their connections.

Rey welcomes any moment Allana connects with her adoptive grandparents but she finds herself wondering why. When Armie reappears in the screen, Rey finally learns the reason for the call.

“Anyway, good catch, sweetheart. Dad is not in LA.”

“Where are you?” Allana asks.

Brendol interjects, “We’re here in the Hamptons, dear girl. We flew in a few days ago to make the house ready for the holidays. Your dad arrived a couple hours ago.”

Maratelle adds, “We miss you so much and since we knew it’s going to be challenging to ask you and your mum to go to LA for the holidays, we came to you instead.”

Allana is busting in her seat. “Mum, can we go? Please? Please?”

Rey smiles, “Of course sweetheart, we’ll go to the Hamptons to be with your Mamó and Dadó.”

Allana shrieks with joy while everyone laughs.

Armie proceeds, “It’s settled then. I checked your schedule with Snap, and you’re free starting the 23rd which is fine because they’re only staying until the 27th since mum needs to be back and prepare for her annual event for amfAR. Hope it’s okay if I stayed at your place until New Year’s. Got some meetings with producers in the city before I fly back to LA.”

“Should be fine,” came Rey’s reply.

She finds herself looking at her iMac’s menu bar and sees the date displayed on screen. December 21. She suddenly realizes that she only has a small window to tell Ben about Allana until Amilyn’s return. _I must find a way to tell Ben tomorrow_ , she thought. In case he has any unpleasant reaction to her news, she will be in the Hamptons until they… well… Ben is level-headed enough to continue the conversation. She is barely listening to Armie as he continues to talk about the arrangements for their impromptu Christmas vacation.

“I’ll send DJ to pick you and Allana up. Also, can you bring along something blue and white to wear? We’ll be attending Governor Pryde’s charity gala at his estate. I’d like to talk with you privately but I need to go to another meeting. Are you still free in 30? Rey… Rey?”

“Oh, sorry. Have nothing lined up for today. We can speak after your meeting.”

“Great, see you in 30. Bye and see you soon, sweetheart.”

Allana gives flying kisses to everyone on screen, “Bye, dad! Bye Mamó! Bye Dadó! Love you.”

Brendol and Maratelle chorused, “We love you too, dear. See you both soon!”

“Bye. See you.” Rey ends the call and Allana tugs on her sweater.

“Mum, can we buy gifts for them? Please?”

“Sure, sweetheart. I’ll do that after my call with your dad, okay?”

“Can I come with you?”

“No sweetheart, I’m sorry. It’s a bit far from here and it’s not yet safe.”

A frown forms on Allana’s face, “But I want to pick my gifts for them, mum.”

“Okay. Can you pass me your iPad, my darling?”

Allana passes her iPad. Rey opens a browser, keys in a website address and gives it back.

“Sweetheart, you can browse through the catalogue and check what you like to give as gifts. Just add it to the cart and don’t check out, okay? Go to your room, I’ll see you after I speak with your dad.”

“Okay, mum.” Allana leaves her office. Rey gets her mobile phone and calls Snap.

“Hi, Rey. Anything I can do for you?”

“Hey, Snap. Can you book me a private appointment at Bergdorf Goodman today?”

“What time?”

“1:00 p.m. onwards and… oh… will you be okay to stay with Allana until I return?”

“Sure, give me 30 minutes. I’ll update you.”

“Thanks, Snap.” Rey hits the end button just in time for Armie’s video call to come through her iMac.

“Hi, Rey. Sorry to spring that surprise on you. Mum and Dad were asking about Allana a lot.”

“That’s okay, Armie. It’s been a while since Allana saw them so this will be good for her.”

“How’s the session today with Amilyn?”

“Great, actually. She’s given her go-signal to include Ben in the succeeding sessions once she comes back from Boston after the holidays.”

“That’s excellent, Rey. Does Ben already know?”

“Not yet.”

“Rey…”

“Hey, I’ve been trying Armie. I really am. Something just keeps coming up whenever I get the chance. I’m frustrated as you are.”

“I trust you, Rey. Sorry. I didn’t mean to add any pressure.”

“Apology accepted.”

“Anyway, I have to take another call. I’m sorry to cut this short. Don’t forget to bring blue and white outfits for yourself and Allana.”

“Wait, what time is the charity gala at Governor Pryde’s estate? And is it safe to bring Allana along?”

Armie turns to look like he is the one who was stressed, “It’ll be in the afternoon, 3:00 p.m. I argued fairly with mum and dad about it, begged if we can skip it. You know how dad is extremely obstinate about his connections. They were assured that the gala will be safe since they kept the event intimate. Only 30 people, invitees and plus ones included, are on the list. Also, the Pryde’s are… um… so germophobic they probably had the CDC run through their place several times now.”

“Okay, Armie. Promise me we won’t stay there long.”

“Told mum and dad the same. They can stay for as long as they like but we will leave in an hour, as soon as we’re done exchanging pleasantries with other guests.”

“That’s good enough for me. See you, Armie.”

“See you, Rey.”

Rey stands up from her desk and exits her office. Her doorbell rings and she opens the door to let Snap in.

“Hi, Rey. Your 1:00 p.m. appointment at Bergdorf Goodman is confirmed. I booked you a town car and it’ll be here by 12:30 p.m. I took the liberty of ordering lunch from Panda Express. It’ll be here in a few minutes. Hope that’s okay.”

“Perfect, actually. Thanks, Snap! I’ll get Allana so we can have lunch together.”

As Rey gets Allana, the Panda Express delivery arrives. Considering she had breakfast earlier, the combined stress and excitement from this morning’s events have gotten to her stomach that she welcomes the break and eats lunch heartily to give her energy for the rest of the day.

*******

The following evening, Ben enters a restaurant on 65th Street and is welcomed by a receptionist who spoke with a French accent.

“Welcome to Restaurant DANIEL, monsieur. May I ask for your reservation?”

Ben replied, “Um, my reservation is under Sally Durant Plummer.”

The name gets instant recognition from the receptionist that she doesn’t find the need to refer to her computer.

“Right this way, monsieur. Mademoiselle Plummer will be here in 10 minutes.”

Ben nods and he finds himself being escorted to The Skybox, the most exclusive and private table in the restaurant, which has a bird’s eye view of the kitchen. The last time he ate there was when he finally decided to meet his mom and dad in person after they started speaking to each other again. Ben knows he was in for a treat given the restaurant’s world-class tasting menu, something he feels he deserves after a long day at work. He pushed himself to complete everything he needed to do and as a result, it gave him and his team an extra day off to enjoy the holidays. The happy squeak that Bazine gave him at his announcement was worth it.

While he lives a life of relative anonymity despite his success… maybe because in New York, people generally go about their own business and don’t really care much about celebrities… Ben finds Rey’s need to be incognito a little too unnerving at times. Their dinner dates are always in private and exclusive areas. She uses aliases for their reservations. Once, Rey told him it was just her trying to reclaim some sense of normalcy in her life after her Hollywood career blew up. She knows there were few paparazzi in New York compared to LA but she doesn’t want to risk things nonetheless. It is also the reason why she is not on social media, something they both have in common.

Rey enters The Skybox a few minutes after he settles. She looks beautiful wearing a red and black silk wrap dress, the deep V teasing a bit of cleavage when she moves. He stands up, gives her a long kiss and returns to his chair.

“Hmm, I take it you miss me.” Rey said as she sits across him.

Ben replied, “You have no idea.”

A few beats pass, Ben senses that Rey was about to say something when Chef Boulud enters the room and greets both of them.

“Bonsoir! Welcome back, Ben. And Rey, je suis tellement ravi de vous voir enfin ici! ”

“Également, chef! This place is beautiful. I’m sure what you have prepared for us will be amazing,” Rey replied.

Ben looks impressed when Rey spoke French. He then regards Chef Boulud and voices his agreement, “Indeed. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for us. My mom sends her regards. She hopes to see you after the holidays.”

Chef Boulud replied, “I look forward to her visit. I’ll leave you two. Enjoy!”

“Merci beaucoup, chef,” Rey said.

Chef Boulud exits the room as the sommelier and maître d' enter and share their tasting menu and wine pairings.

Although Ben didn’t like to do shop talk during their dinner dates, Rey insisted because she felt she had a lot to catch up with him. They are in the middle of eating their third course – a warm seafood salad of shrimp, abalone and squid mixed with yellow corn, piquillo pepper, daylily buds and a sorrel emulsion – when Ben starts to talk about his renewed relationship with his parents, given the other day’s early morning call, which Rey notes happily while sipping her Merlot.

“I’m so glad that you’ve reunited with your parents. It must’ve been not easy for you.”

Ben nodded, “I got Rose to thank for that. She reminded me how lucky I was that I still got them.”

“I’m starting to like Rose. She really keeps you in check, huh?”

“Yeah. Speaking of my parents, I got an invitation to join them this Christmas. I’ll be driving to their place on the 24th. I am hoping you can join me. I want you to meet them.”

Rey considers what he just said. Much as she wanted to, she is leaving for The Hamptons tomorrow morning with Allana. Rey carefully thinks about her response but it still… somewhat… doesn’t settle well with Ben.

“Ben… love… I really want to join you and meet Han and Leia, but I promised Armie’s family that I join them this Christmas. In fact, I’m leaving tomorrow.”

Although Ben assumed that maybe Rey had other plans during the holidays, he hopes that there is a chance she’ll spend it with him. Learning that her holiday plans included her ex-husband’s family is not what he expected.

“Hmm, for someone who’s divorced, you still seem quite attached to his family.”

“I told you, I owe them a lot and I’ve grown to love them too like they were my own parents, since I never really had any growing up… aside from Maz. Surely, you understand.”

“Is Armie going to be there?”

“Of course, he is. Ben, we may be divorced but we’re still friends. Our separation is amicable. I don’t want us to argue over this, please.”

Ben feels disappointed that Rey cannot join him, and perhaps a little something else that he cannot admit to her. She, however, is able to discern it and puts it in the open.

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous, Ben?”

“No, I’m not.”

“Are you sure?” Rey prods as a wicked idea strikes her when their fourth course arrives -- grilled swordfish sitting on a top of gourgane panisse and Brussels sprouts, served with a side of pine needle gremolata and pioppini mushrooms, and sauce diable glaze on the plate. It was paired with a glass of Californian Pinot Noir.

“No I’m not jealous, Rey.”

“So why do you sound so irritated?” Rey asked as she quietly but slowly lifts her foot underneath the table towards Ben.

“I’m not irritated, Rey. I’m just…” Ben pauses mid-sentence because he feels something warm in between his thighs that he reaches for his Pinot Noir and downs nearly half a glass to keep him from blushing. It only made it worse.

“You were saying, my love.” Rey continues to tease Ben with her foot and when she reaches that spot, Ben coughs and glares at her.

Ben hissed, “Rey, we’re eating dinner.”

“So?”

Ben reaches in between his thighs to hold Rey’s foot and stops her unless he wants to end up with a full-blown erection which will not be easy to hide given his suit pants. His hand moves to massage Rey’s leg and she ends up humming her satisfaction at his ministrations.

“Rey, I have full intention of repeating what happened the other night. Can we finish dinner this time, please? I won’t be seeing you for a good three days. I want to make it count.”

“Okay. Um, let me make a phone call first.”

Rey exits The Skybox and looks for the ladies’ room to make a phone call. She browses for Finn’s number and calls him.

“Hey, Finn…”

“Hi, Rey. I’m guessing you want me to stay over again with Allana.”

“Yeah, I’m so sorry.”

“That’s okay, Rey. Got nowhere to be since Poe’s already with his family for the holidays. Allana’s already asleep, which was a bit hard since she’s buzzing with excitement for your trip to The Hamptons tomorrow. What time are you leaving?”

“DJ is going to pick us up at 10:00 a.m. I’ll be back before 8:00 a.m. tomorrow, I promise.”

“Got it. By the way, I helped myself to your leftover food from Panda Express earlier and ordered pizza and pasta for Allana’s dinner.”

“Thanks, Finn! You’re the best.”

“Bye, Rey!” Finn ended the call. She re-enters The Skybox.

Ben asked, “What was that?”

“Nothing. Well… I called Armie to change the driver pick-up time tomorrow if we’re going to do… um… what you said we’re going to do later.”

Ben and Rey finish their dinner, leave the restaurant and head back to his apartment. As soon as they enter his private lift, Ben corners Rey and kisses her passionately. She is busy trying to unbutton his shirt when she feels his right hand grasp her ass and pulls her even closer. He is kissing her collarbone when the lift opens and his impatience gets the best of him again. He carries Rey to his bedroom all without breaking his continued assault on the sensitive flesh at the base of her neck.

Rey is glad she decided to wear the wrap dress because she’s immediately left with only a black lace thong the moment Ben pulled the silk crepe belt that cinched her outfit in place. Ben’s pupils are blown wide. He guides Rey down on his bed, and starts to kiss her in places whatever his mouth can latch on. Her gasps and moans make him harder by the minute. When he sucks her right nipple, Rey whimpers in delight. She notices Ben is still fully dressed.

“Ben, I’m at a disadvantage here. You still have too many clothes on.”

“Sorry, I can’t resist.”

Ben quickly remedies the matter and when he is stripped down to his boxer briefs, he continues his attention on Rey’s body. His mouth travels to her left breast, kisses it and sucks hard. Rey lifts her head in surprise and she cards her fingers through Ben’s hair, a silent plea telling him she wants more… needs more of it. Ben seems happy to oblige as he moves lower, kissing and nibbling every part of Rey’s exposed body. When he reaches her center, Ben removes the scant garment and throws it off the bed. Rey is restless with anticipation.

“Hmm, already wet for me, huh?” Ben lightly touches her wet folds with his index finger, which made Rey gasp.

“Ben, please. I need you.”

An undercurrent of desire is threatening to burst from Ben at what she said but he has a goal: he wants Rey to beg.

“I know,” came his response, “but what I want right now is to make you pay for that little stunt of yours in Daniel’s earlier.”

 _Fuck._ Rey thought.

Ben does nothing but tease Rey. Just as she is feeling her orgasm build with whatever he’s doing, Ben will suddenly change course. He pumps one… two fingers in her center then he immediately takes them out when he feels her walls are closing on them. He thumbs then licks her clit and, when she moans, he moves to kissing her inner thighs. It’s driving her mad with want but that doesn’t stop Ben from edging Rey. He seems to be waiting for something to happen as he alternately repeats each action. His patience pays off when he feels Rey start to writhe underneath him and her breathing is labored.

“Do you want to come?”

“Yes… yes… I want to. Please Ben, make me. Please.”

“I don’t think you really want to.”

Rey screams, “Benjamin Solo, if you don’t make me come right now, I promise you, we will not have sex for the next three months. Do you understand me?”

Ben mentally chalks his win as he pumps her center vigorously with his two fingers and sucks Rey’s clit hard, while his free hand removes his boxer briefs and strokes his cock. He knows that Rey is nearing her peak.

“Ben… oh god… fuck… yes… that’s it… so good… I’m so… so close…”

When Ben changes the angle of his two fingers and finally hits a spot, Rey comes. Her back arches and she shakes under him. Rey’s orgasm hasn’t fully subsided when he lines his cock in front of her slick entrance, his own orgasm building.

“Ben, I need you inside me. Please.”

It’s all the encouragement Ben needed to thrust his cock inside Rey. She’s so wet that there’s hardly any resistance. He feels her walls closing on him and he can’t get over how tight she is. He moves in and out of her, and continues to thumb her already sensitive clit. Ben’s pace is relentless and he finds it so sexy that Rey meets him at each thrust. He’s so close. He’s kissing that same sensitive flesh on Rey’s neck when she whispers in his ear.

“Let go, my love.”

Ben came. Rey kisses him through his orgasm, and her second follows shortly after. When he pulls out, Ben lays on his back and gathers Rey beside him.

“Well, that should tide us over… for the next three days, at least.” Rey quips.

Ben looks at her and said, “You think that’s enough? I’m not done with you yet.”

Rey raises herself up and places her head on Ben’s chest as she thinks about what he said.

“Really? What do you have in mind?”

“Come here,” Ben replied. As Rey came closer, he kisses her until he’s able to stoke the fires that lead to a few more orgasms after. Rey and Ben are sated but tired and find themselves surrendering to sleep as their bodies can no longer ignore the need for it.

*******

Rey wakes up the following morning in Ben’s arms. She looks at the digital clock on his bedside table. It reads 7:00 a.m.

Ben is sleeping soundly and Rey finds herself just staring at him, trying her best to suppress her frustration on not being able to tell him yesterday about Allana… yet again.

Rey moves and lifts herself to sneak away since she promised Finn she’ll be back by 8:00 a.m. A pair of strong arms pulls her back to bed and she finds herself trapped underneath Ben.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Ben kisses her.

“I need to go, Ben. I still have to pack before the driver picks me up.”

“Come with me, please.”

Rey sighs. “I want to, Ben. Really… but you know I can’t.”

Ben gives up on kissing Rey and settles back on his bed, a forlorn look on his face. Her heart aches.

“Ben…”

“I know, Rey. I may not look like it right now but believe me, I understand.”

“Thank you, my love. I promise, I’ll make it up to you when I return.”

Rey kisses Ben and pours her promise into it, until she can no longer ignore the time. She dresses up and she is about to cinch her dress when Ben stands to help her. After he secures the belt in place, Ben lifts her chin and gives her a chaste kiss.

“I’ll see you soon, my love.”

“I love you, Ben.”

“I love you too, Rey.”

Ben gets a robe to cover him and escorts Rey out of his apartment. When his private lift closed, after exchanging a few more kisses, Ben goes back to his bedroom and takes a bath. When he’s done, he puts on a white cotton t-shirt and pair of dark, slightly distressed jeans, grabs a suitcase from his walk-in closet and starts to pack clothes and other items.

An hour later, Ben is at his dedicated parking space. He loads his suitcase inside his black Land Rover Defender and drives out of his building. He figures, since he does have an extra day off, to surprise his parents by coming in a day earlier than expected. He is successful because after keying a passcode at the front gate of a driveway in Meadowmere Lane, Leia and Han are at the door, waiting for him.

“Hey, kid!” Han smiles as Ben exits his car and gives him a hug.

“Hey, dad. Hey, mom.” Ben kisses Leia on the cheek.

“This is such a wonderful surprise, Ben. I’m so happy you can be here early… and just in time. Come in.”

Ben enters the house and smells something warm and comforting in the air.

“Is that bread pudding?” Ben enters the kitchen and sees Nanna and Beex busy setting the table for lunch. His stomach rumbles at the sight of food and he remembers that he only had a breakfast muffin and coffee from the closest McDonalds he saw before continuing his drive. It is Beex who sees him first.

“Hey, Ben. Merry Christmas! Where are your keys so I can get your suitcase?”

“Merry Christmas, Beex! No need, I’ll take care of it. Thanks. Hi, Nanna!” Ben hugs his old nanny.

“It’s so wonderful to see you, Ben. You look like you lost some weight. Are you not feeding yourself enough?”

“Nanna…” Ben shakes his head. Beex laughs at his wife playfully poking Ben’s torso.

Han breaks the banter, “What are we waiting for? Let’s eat. I’m starving. Ben, kindly say grace.”

Everyone takes a seat at the dining table and Ben says grace.

“Bless the food on the table and the people around me. I am thankful and so happy to be home.”

Han reaches for his hand and squeezes it. Ben feels a tremor but before he says anything about it, he catches Leia’s warning eye across the table. He pretends he does not notice anything and proceeds to fill his plate with slices of roast beef, herbed mash potatoes and salad greens tossed in raspberry vinaigrette. Beex passes him a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and fills up his wine glass as well as Han’s. He hums his satisfaction after taking his first bite and starts a conversation by asking what he missed since his last visit. Once lunch was done, Ben helps Nanna and Beex clear the table and wash the dishes. Han excuses himself and goes to his office because he needs to make a call.

After doing the dishes, Ben collects his luggage from his SUV and goes up to his old room on the second floor. He’s getting some of his clothes out when Leia knocks on his door, bearing a garment bag.

“May I come in?”

“Sure mom, what’s that?”

“It’s a suit. I forgot to mention that you need to bring one so I bought this for you. I hope it fits.”

Ben reaches for the garment bag and he pulls out a dark blue wool suit. He notices the label – Zegna.

“Mom, you shouldn’t have.”

“It’s nothing. Besides, am I not allowed to buy something for you?”

“It’s not that…”

Leia dismisses his resistance, “Go ahead Ben, try it on.”

She sits on the edge of Ben’s bed while he goes inside the bathroom to try the suit. It’s a perfect fit. He exits the bathroom for Leia to see him and she nods her approval.

“What’s the suit for?” Ben asked.

“We’ll be attending a small gathering with your dad’s former colleagues in the government two days from now. He’s been adamant about it but I convinced him that he can’t be a recluse forever since we've declined that invitation several times.”

“How’s dad? I felt his tremors earlier. Are his symptoms getting worse?”

“No, Ben. Not yet. He’s been distracting himself since he got the diagnosis. I know there’s no cure for Parkinson’s but I’m fairly optimistic since he’s Stage 1. We’ll never know though. I’m hoping it stays at that level.”

Ben sits beside Leia and hugs her, “Mom, if I need to be here…”

Leia shakes her head, “There’s no need, son. Among the three of us, we can take care of your dad. If his symptoms get worse, I can get in touch with a private nurse. Han will probably resist it but…”

Ben chuckles. Leia kisses his cheek, stands up and moves towards the door.

“Get some rest, Ben. I’ll knock when dinner is ready.”

As soon as Leia closes the door, Ben removes the suit, puts it back in garment bag, plops himself on his bed and lets his fatigue pull him down for an afternoon nap.

Meanwhile, in some other part of Southampton, another family reunion is in full swing. Allana nearly leaps from the white GMC Acadia Denali as soon as it pulls into the Hux’s residential driveway at Channel Pond Court. She jumps into the waiting arms of Armie and peppers his cheeks with kisses. Rey cannot stop from grinning as she joins her daughter and hugs Brendol and Maratelle. Allana, in turn, reaches for her grandparents and gives them kisses too.

“Happy Christmas, Mamó and Dadó!”

Maratelle replied, “Happy Christmas too, my dear. Let’s get inside. It’s a bit chilly today.”

They retreat inside the house and move to the dining area where lunch is set. The smell of a good home-cooked meal feels amazing for Rey that she momentarily forgets her concerns with Ben among many things. She sits in between Maratelle and Allana, and helps herself to baked salmon, Mediterranean salad, and smoked almond and herb couscous. Dexter, the Hux’s family chef, comes out bearing a bottle of Chardonnay and a tall glass of freshly squeezed lemonade for Allana, who is halfway through her first serving of pulled pork mac and cheese. Maratelle opens a conversation with her.

“Rey, have you read the script for Chris Nolan’s new film?”

“Yes, mum. Zorii sent it to me a few days ago. I’m scheduled to meet him early next year to get a good sense of the character. I’m flattered that he thought of me for this role and really excited to be working with you, finally.”

“Same, dear. It is a beautiful project and it’s been a while since I did a sci-fi movie.”

“Are you up for the shooting rigors, mum? I hear there are a lot of locations being considered.”

“Chris assured me that my role will be in studio and green screen work. You’re the one who’ll be doing most of the travel. When are they scheduling you to screen test with other actors?”

“After my conversation with Chris, I guess. There are a handful of actors being considered for the male lead. I’m hoping either Taron Egerton or Richard Madden bags the role but that’s just my preference.”

Brendol gently cuts in while looking at Armie, “These two never stop with the shop talk.”

Allana pipes in and asks, “What’s shop talk, Dadó?”

“Work talk sweetheart,” Armie replies as he forks a piece of salmon from his plate.

After finishing their lunch, Allana retreats to the parlor with Brendol and Maratelle to put her gifts under the majestic tree decorated with white and gold ornaments. Rey goes to the front porch, braves the December chill and takes in her surroundings. She feels like she was back in LA again given the expanse of the Hux’s estate which makes her miss her old home.

“Penny for your thoughts, Rey?” Armie breaks her reverie, sits beside her and gives her a warm mug of peppermint-infused tea.

Rey reaches for the mug and replies, “Thanks! This place is wonderful. Why didn’t you tell me mum and dad have a place here in the Hamptons?”

“I didn’t because it’s not mine. It’s theirs.”

Rey smiled at Armie’s modesty. She takes in a deep breath and exhales, hoping it’ll ease her frustrations.

“I take it you haven’t told Ben yet.”

“You know me too well, Armie.”

“It’s not hard to tell, Rey. Otherwise, we’ll be talking about proceeding with the next set of sessions with Amilyn right now.”

“Do you think Ben will leave me the moment he learns about Allana?”

Armie replies gently, “Rey, we have considered that scenario as a possibility. I mean, 9 years is not something Ben can easily ignore but I am confident that he loves you enough to forgive you.”

A single tear escapes Rey and she shakes her head. _What have I done to deserve you, Armie?_

Rey puts her mug on the table beside the bench and hugs Armie. He returns the hug, and rubs her back to comfort her. She settles back in her spot.

“You know, whoever that girl who captures your heart, she’ll be so lucky to have you.”

Armie rolls his eyes.

“What’s wrong with what I said? You just haven’t found your match yet.”

“Well, I’m not short in that department with all the girls mum keeps setting me up with.”

“Seriously? You don’t like being set-up.”

“I really don’t.”

“Then tell mum. I’m sure she’s just concerned for you, that’s all.”

They sit in comfortable silence, emptying their mugs. A few minutes after, they hear Allana calling for them. Both stand up and go to the parlor where they see a Twister mat on the floor. Allana has a big smile on her face.

“Mum, Dad, can we play?”

Armie replied, “Sure sweetheart. Why don’t you start? Your mum and I will take our positions.”

Rey joins Armie and Allana on the Twister mat while Brendol and Maratelle are watching. She finds herself laughing at the ridiculous limb and color combinations generated by the spinner that sends them tumbling after only a few turns, Allana falling on top of her. She kisses her cheek for good measure and continues to play a few more rounds until everyone is tired. As she tucks Allana in her bed for an afternoon nap, Rey feels happy that her daughter has experienced what it is like to be part of a family. She sets aside her concerns about Ben and decides to enjoy this impromptu vacation for what it’s worth.

*******

On Christmas Day, Ben finds himself on the driver’s seat, with Han beside him, giving directions to the location for the event they are attending. Leia is behind Han, staring outside, while they pass estate after estate. When they reach Old Towne Lane, Ben starts to fidget as there is a small cue of SUVs waiting to enter a familiar place. He can’t stop his groans.

Leia picks up on his discomfort and asks, “Anything the matter, son?”

“Why didn’t you tell me we were going to Enric Pryde’s place?”

Han corrects him, “Governor Pryde… and see, Leia, I told you we should’ve skipped this…”

“Han, how many times must we discuss this… and how do you know Enric, Ben?”

Ben feels hot under the collar of his crisp white shirt.

“I mean, he’s the governor mom so everyone knows him.”

Ben hopes that his response is enough for Leia not to ask further. He is not comfortable telling her the truth behind how he’s familiar with the Pryde’s residence.

Once they’ve cleared security, Ben drops off his parents at the front door and proceeds to the designed area to park his Defender. The nearest available space is beside a white SUV. He walks to the front door to join his parents, who are speaking with Enric and his wife, Joan, when what he’s been dreading to see the most materializes in front of them. His cheeks are flushed.

“Well, if it isn’t the lovely Benjamin Solo gracing our presence…”

Savara Raine Pryde approaches the foyer and acknowledges her parents as well as his own.

“Hello Leia and Han, I’m so happy you can join us.”

Leia catches what she said, “Thank you, Savara. How do you know my son?”

“Oh, the theatre community is so small. Word gets around easily especially with men as talented as him.”

Enric interjects, “Let’s continue the chat inside, shall we?”

A waiter with a tray of champagne flutes passes them and Ben gets one. Savara stares at him and motions him to join her at nearby room as their parents walk towards the garden where the party is on-going.

Ben clears his throat, “Look Savvy, I’m sorry about…”

“Really, Ben? Did you feel the same way for Jessika and Tallie after having one-night stands with us?”

“I’m really sorry. I messed up. I was in a bad place then and I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“Well, clearly your other head was doing most of the thinking…”

“There’s no excuse for what I did. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m truly sorry.”

A tense silence falls between them, which Savara breaks as she sighs, “You’re lucky Ben that I adore your mother. She’s been an absolute joy to work with.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m her legal counsel. I didn’t know you’re related to her until five years ago when I started working with her.”

As Ben process this new information, Savara continues.

“I may not forgive you yet, Ben, but I’ll get there. I don’t really like holding grudges. Besides, it’s been years and I’ve moved on.”

Ben notes a cushion-cut diamond engagement ring on her left hand as Savara moves closer and gives him a kiss on his cheek.

“I need to go and welcome the other guests. It’s nice to see you, Ben.”

Savara leaves the room and Ben finds himself taking in gulps of air, as if he has forgotten how to breathe. _Just my damn luck_ , he thought. Nothing like the past chasing him in his present.

Ben leaves the room and looks for the nearest bathroom to freshen up. He asks another waiter, gives his empty flute and proceeds to use the bathroom that is two doors down the house’s hallway. He splashes his face with cold water and gets some paper towels to dry himself. He exits it and walks towards the garden when he bumps into somebody: a young girl who comes out of another bathroom that is marked for female guests.

“Oof!” She falls to the floor unceremoniously.

Ben kneels in front of the girl, worried he may have hurt her.

“Oh no, I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you there. Are you okay?”

Ben helps the girl up and straightens her dress. He finds himself surprised that there is a kid in the event. Then again, one of Enric’s children is married so she must be one of his grandchildren.

“It’s okay mister. I didn’t see you too. I’m sorry I…”

The girl stares at him rather intently. Ben finds it a little scary, until she speaks again, and his fright level doubles.

“Are you Ben? Ben Solo?”

Ben is surprised that the girl recognizes him and he clears his throat.

“Yes… um… Yes, I am Ben. What’s your name?”

“I’m Allana.”

“Hi, Allana. Have we met before?”

Ben takes on Allana’s appearance: she has long, wavy, pitch-black hair that’s adorned with sapphire blue barrettes. She has tiny freckles on her nose and her eyes look familiar. Ben sees her touch her ears consciously, which like his, are pointing out.

“No, but you know my mum.”

“Do I? Is she here?”

“Yes. Come with me.”

Allana pulls Ben by his wrist and they walk towards the garden to a small group of people. As they get closer, Ben stops as he recognizes a silhouette from the group which Allana approaches. She tugs an arm.

“Mum, look who I found.”

When Rey turns around, time stands still. Ben feels like he lost all the air in his lungs. The tension is so heavy between them and things starts to click, even if it sounds incredulous in his head. Ben struggles as he tries to speak.

“Mum?”

Rey is shaking as she carefully approaches him, “Ben, can we talk somewhere private please? I can explain. Armie, can you take Allana with you?”

Armie replied, not wanting to add further to the tension, “Sure. Sweetheart, let’s get some more gingerbread cookies, okay?” Armie carries Allana and walks towards the catering area.

Ben doesn’t recall how he got himself in the Pryde’s library room but he manages to, with Rey after him. She closes and locks the door to give them privacy. He is pacing around; he doesn’t know whether he should sit or stand.

“How… how do you have a kid, Rey? I mean… is she… is she…”

“Yes… Allana is my… our daughter, Ben. I wanted to tell you… so many times in the last few weeks…”

“How? I thought… I thought you were on birth control.”

“I was but I miscalculated. I didn’t know that I was pregnant with Allana until I was already in LA.”

“Is she why… the reason… for your need for privacy? Why I can’t go to your apartment?”

Rey nods her response. She is hugging herself to keep her composure. Ben realizes that his voice is slightly loud. He sits on a leather couch at the corner of the room, trying to breathe while processing what he just learned.

“Why… why didn’t you tell me, Rey?” He asks, calmer this time.

“I was angry at you, Ben… for choosing Snoke over us.”

“But it doesn’t justify keeping her from me.”

“I know that…”

“The years I’ve missed… You have no idea the regret… the pain I felt when you left… I even called Jannah…”

“I know… She told me… I cannot buy back time, Ben… or find any justifiable reason that’s acceptable... to make you understand why I kept our daughter from you…”

Rey approaches Ben and kneels in front of him. She reaches for his hands, which he initially pulls away, but then gives up the fight since he craves for her touch.

“What I have done is unforgivable, Ben… I’m sorry I hurt you… I’m truly, truly sorry…”

Ben looks at her, tears streaming down his face. He’s shaking his head as he joins her on the floor, kneeling in front of her. He lifts her chin and sees tears on her face too. He brushes her cheek with his thumb and gives her a soft kiss on her lips.

“Rey… right now… all I know is… I love you… but this… it’s a lot for me to take in… I need time.”

Rey leans on the hand that’s still touching her face and kisses his palm.

“Of course, my love.”

Ben stands up and leaves the library. As soon as he closes the door, Rey cries and collapses on the floor.

_What have I done? What have I done?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> French to English translation:
> 
> Je suis tellement ravi de vous voir enfin ici = I'm so glad to finally see you here
> 
> Également = Likewise
> 
> Merci beaucoup = Thank you so much
> 
> SW References:
> 
> [Brendol Hux](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Brendol_Hux)
> 
> [Maratelle Hux](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Maratelle)
> 
> [Enric Pryde](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Enric_Pryde)
> 
> [Savara Raine Pryde](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Vestara_Khai)
> 
> [Jessika](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Jessika_Pava)
> 
> [Tallie](https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Tallissan_Lintra)
> 
> Non-SW References:
> 
> [The Hamptons](https://www.hamptons.com/)
> 
> [The Today Show](https://www.today.com/)
> 
> [New York University (NYU)](https://www.nyu.edu/)
> 
> [Le Bernardin](https://www.le-bernardin.com/)
> 
> [amfAR](https://www.amfar.org/)
> 
> [Bergdorf Goodman](https://www.bergdorfgoodman.com/)
> 
> [Panda Express](https://www.pandaexpress.com/)
> 
> [Chris Nolan](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0634240/)
> 
> [The Skybox](https://youtu.be/trDDVKzxgds) at [Restaurant DANIEL](https://www.danielnyc.com/)
> 
> Allana's [iPad](https://www.apple.com/ipad-air/)
> 
> Ben's outfits: his [white cotton t-shirt](https://www.sunspel.com/euro/mens-short-sleeve-crew-neck-t-shirt-white.html), his [dark, slightly distressed jeans](https://citizensofhumanity.com/collections/mens-jeans/products/london-slim-fit-black-beach) and [Zegna dark blue wool suit](https://www.zegna.com/us-en/ready-to-wear/suits/product.dark-blue-wool-suit.10367874/)
> 
> Rey's outfits: her [Hervé Leger sheer little black](https://herveleger.com/collections/dresses/products/opaque-and-sheer-long-slv-dress-black-001), her [red and black silk wrap dress](https://www.dvf.com/ariadne-silk-crepe-de-chine-wrap-dress/DVFDW4O003.html), her [pink cashmere knit sweater](https://www.francesausten.com/collections/sweaters/products/lantern-sleeve-tracee-pink) and [blue slim-fit boyfriend jeans](https://citizensofhumanity.com/products/emerson-slim-fit-boyfriend-blue-ridge)


	2. After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2021, everybody! Here's the final installment to this fic.
> 
> Just a quick reminder, because of the length, when you see this -- ******* -- that means you can rest before continuing. Thanks for reading!

Time has a way of fooling anybody. When filled with joy, it feels fleeting. It makes you want to savor every second. However, with pain, it stops, stretches and punches you in the gut.

That's how Rey finds herself minutes after Ben closed the Pryde's library door upon learning the truth about Allana. The ache she felt is far worse that their first separation. She knew this could happen. She considered and mentally prepared herself for it, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

The next few moments feel like a blur. Rey doesn't have any memory of it, except for Armie carrying her in his arms when he finds her in the library, lying on the floor, crying and hugging her knees. She doesn't even recall how she got in her bed inside the Hux's estate, until a warm hand cards through her hair, which belongs to Maratelle. Rey sobs some more.

"Oh, dear. It's okay. Just cry it out."

"Where's Allana, mum? Is she okay?"

"She's with Armie, asleep. It took a while for her to calm down."

Rey tries to pull herself from her bed, "I need to go to her."

Maratelle stops her, "No, dear. Just let her be. Armie's with her. She'll be alright."

"I feel numb, mum, yet in so much pain."

"I can only imagine... and perhaps Ben is too. He immediately left with Han and Leia after both of you spoke. That's when Armie looked for you and he was told that you were in the library."

Rey cries some more and Maratelle hugs her.

"Oh, my dear. This will pass."

Silence falls between them. Rey's cries subside a little and she takes in deep breaths.

"Rey, do you love Ben?"

"I do."

"Do you believe that he loves you too?"

Rey nods her response. Maratelle lifts her chin and looks at her.

“Rey, for as long as I’ve known you, you’re a fighter. You fought for every single thing you have in your life now: you have a wonderful career and even a beautiful daughter. Ben is an idiot if he doesn’t see that.”

Rey softly chuckles at what Maratelle said.

“My dear, it’s perfectly understandable if Ben needs time. Give it to him but don’t give up. True love, no matter the consequence, is worth fighting for.”

“I love you, mum.”

“I love you too. Go to sleep. You will need all your strength to face what lies ahead.”

Rey finds her heavy lids closing, as Maratelle continues to hug her, and sleep finally takes her.

Somewhere in Meadowmere Lane, though, sleep is evading Ben. He is nursing a brandy glass that was half-full with alcohol when Han sees him in the living room.

“Can’t sleep, son?”

Ben notices Han as he sits beside him, “Nope. I’m hoping the brandy kicks in to numb me so I can sleep. It’s not working.”

Han nods, “Ben, I learned about what happened earlier from your mom and I saw the girl. Is it true? Is she my granddaughter?”

Ben takes a swig from the brandy glass and swallows, the alcohol burning his throat.

“She is. I’m having a hard time believing at first but then she touched her ears, which looked horribly like mine, and I somehow knew. I have that same mannerism, dad.”

Ben’s thoughts drift to Allana, and their first meeting earlier at Governor Pryde’s charity gala. He sees her face. He finds himself arrested by her innocence, by how much she looks like him, except her eyes, which he now realizes are Rey’s. A sob leaves his throat.

_I have a daughter, a beautiful one, and I didn’t know. How could you do this to me, Rey?_

Ben drinks from his glass again, his face contorts in pain, which he is trying valiantly to suppress.

Han gives his shoulder a firm tap and squeeze, “It’s okay to not be okay, son.”

At this, Ben gives in and buries his face in Han’s chest, crying openly. It’s been a while since he did that, and it was when he was seven and he scraped his knee so bad.

“Dad, is it possible to want to protect somebody even in the briefest of encounters?”

“What do you mean, Ben?”

“Allana… I just met her. I don’t even know her but I… I care about her. I want to be there for her. I’m not making any sense.”

“You do, Ben. It’s exactly how I felt the moment I held you in my arms. Being a parent is a gift, son. Your discovery, though, is a lot to take in.”

Ben lifts his head from Han’s chest and finishes his brandy.

“What are your plans, Ben?”

“Honestly, dad, I don’t know. I’m still wrapping my head around what Rey did.”

“Do you love Rey?”

“Yes but…”

“There’s no ‘but’ when you love someone, Ben. I will acknowledge that what she did was wrong. Hiding Allana from you was messed up, but I’d like to give her the benefit of the doubt. I’m sure she has her reasons, however illogical they may seem.”

He stands up from the couch, “Take as much time as you need, son, but not too long. You’ve missed years of being with your daughter. Don’t prolong it on Rey’s account. It won’t do any of you good.”

“I love you, dad.”

“I know, son.”

Han goes upstairs to their bedroom. It was close to midnight when Ben goes to his room, but instead of sleeping, he takes a hot shower. After putting on a gray cotton t-shirt, black jeans and a hooded jacket, he pulls his suitcase and starts to haphazardly pack the rest of his clothes and the suit Leia gave to him. He goes to his old desk, tears a sheet of paper and writes a note.

_Hi, mom and dad. I went back to the city. I didn’t want to wake you up. Please know I’ll be okay. I just need to clear my head. I love you and I’ll see you again soon. - Ben_

He goes downstairs quietly, suitcase on hand, enters the kitchen to fill up his canteen with water and puts his note on the fridge.

His drive back to the city is quicker compared to when he left two days ago. It is nearly dawn when he arrives at his building. He parks at his designated space and goes up his apartment to deposit his suitcase. He doesn’t stay long. He exits the building and walks several blocks until he finds himself in front of another apartment, ringing the doorbell then softly knocking on its door.

The door opens to reveal Rose, clad in silk pajamas and her hair slightly dishevelled from sleep.

“Ben?”

“Rose…”

“Is everything okay?”

Ben suddenly engulfs her in a hug, his body shaking as he cries.

“Hey… Shhh… Shhh… What happened?”

Ben manages to say, in between hiccups, “Rey… I… I have… have a… daughter…”

Rose holds back her shock at what she hears from Ben. She ushers him inside her apartment, lets him sit on her couch, and goes to her kitchen to prepare some tea. A few minutes after, she joins Ben, hands him a cup -- chamomile with lavender -- and sets a glass of water on her coffee table.

“Ben, tell me exactly what happened please.”

Ben shares with Rose what transpired less than 12 hours ago. He rambles about bumping into Allana during the party… about how she knows him… that she looks exactly like him except for her eyes… his surprise at finding out that Rey is her mom… their talk in the library afterwards… that he drove her to keep Allana a secret… how he loves Rey still but is having a hard time getting past what she did… and everything else.

Rose listens patiently and doesn’t ask any questions. Ben feels exhausted by the end of his painful recollection, his eyes are starting to close.

“Ben, you need to sleep, okay? Please. Can you do that for me?”

Ben nods and stretches himself on her couch. Rose silently whispers her thanks that it’s long and comfortable enough to accommodate his massive frame. She covers him with a quilt and kisses his forehead.

“Yêu bạn, Ben."

"Love you too, Rose" came Ben’s soft reply as he finally… finally succumbs to sleep.

*******

Rey wakes up to a massive headache. She looks at the alarm clock beside her bed. It reads 8:00 a.m.

She fumbles with her phone, which she gets from the bedside table, and calls Ben. Her call is unanswered and gets routed to voicemail, which she repeats a couple times and leaves different messages.

_“Ben, I know you don’t want to hear from me, but we need to talk. Call me. Please.”_

_"Ben, I’ll visit your apartment as soon as I return to the city. I’ll call you when I do. Hope can we talk. Please.”_

_“Ben, I’m so sorry. I love you. Please call me. Please.”_

Rey gets distracted by a knock on her door. She quickly turns on her phone camera, using it as a mirror to see if she looked okay. She doesn’t though, noting the dark circles under her eyes and tear stains on her cheeks.

“Come in.”

The door opens to reveal Allana and Armie carrying a breakfast tray. Allana immediately jumps on her bed, gives her a hug and cries.

“Shhh, my love… Shhh… Don’t cry.”

Rey runs her hand on Allana’s back to comfort her. She finds herself burying her head at the juncture of her daughter’s neck and shoulder. When Allana’s cries become softer, Rey wipes her tears with her hands and hugs her some more. Armie sets the tray on the bedroom bench.

“I’ll leave you two alone.”

Rey nods and whispers her thanks as Armie closes the door, leaving her and Allana.

“I’m so sorry, mum. I know we are waiting for Dr. Holdo’s signal to meet Ben but…”

“You don’t need to explain, sweetheart…”

“Mum, I need to… I want to…”

Rey nods and allows Allana to continue.

“When I saw him mum, I was stunned. He was in front of me. I couldn’t help myself. He looks more handsome in person and he’s got ears like mine. He looked surprised when I recognized him. When I led him to you, I forgot he doesn’t know about me.”

Rey fusses over Allana as she listens.

“Mum, does Ben hate me? Is he angry at what I did?”

“No, sweetheart. Ben is not angry. If anything, I think he hates me.”

“Why, mum? You’re the best mum in the world.”

Rey kisses Allana’s cheeks in response.

“Thank you, my darling. I may be the best mum but I’m not the best person, at least for Ben, right now.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Sweetheart, seeing you and learning that he is… your real dad… is a lot for him to absorb. Do you remember what you said to your tutor when she showed you the multiplication table?”

“It’s too much.”

“That’s exactly what Ben is feeling right now. It’s too much.”

“Are you going to talk to him, mum?”

“Yes, I plan to as soon as we get back in the city.”

“Can we do that today? I want to be there with you.”

“Allana…”

“Mum, please. Maybe if I am the one speaking to him, he will listen.”

Rey hugs her tight and smothers her head and her face with so many kisses. Allana hums her contentment.

“I love you, my darling… darling girl.”

“I love you, mum.”

Rey’s stomach suddenly growls and Allana laughs. She gets off the bed, picks up the breakfast tray from the bench and puts it on top of her thighs.

“I made this, mum… Well, dad and Dexter helped…”

Rey picks up an avocado toast, takes a bite and smiles.

“This is good, sweetheart. Thank you.”

“I’ll look for dad and tell him we’re leaving today. I want to see Ben.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay any longer? We can do it tomorrow.”

“It’s okay, mum. I can always go to LA if you allow me to see Mamó and Dadó, right?”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

Allana leaves the room and Rey finishes her breakfast. She checks her phone if there are any messages from Ben: none.

_He must really hate me. It’s not like him to not return any of my calls._

Pushing her thoughts aside, Rey finishes her breakfast and puts the empty tray on the bench. She gets her suitcase, starts packing her clothes but leaves an ivory cashmere turtleneck, a pair of jeans and a grey, wool cape with stripe-detail to wear. She takes a hot bath, dresses up and checks on Allana in her room. She is also ready.

Armie meets them in the hallway and gets their suitcases. He hands it over to DJ for it to be loaded in the SUV.

“Mum and dad insist that we eat before we leave. Sweetheart, will you go to the dining room please?”

“Okay, dad.”

Allana proceeds to the dining area while Armie stretches his arm to stop Rey from walking.

“Um, Rey. I’m sorry I don’t want to meddle but you know how much I care for Allana. I called Amilyn earlier and told her what happened.”

Rey’s heart sinks a little. “What did she say?”

“It’s a setback in her book. She’s worried about how Allana is reacting to their accidental meeting.”

“And…”

“I told her about my conversation with Allana last night. Suffice to say, Amilyn is pleased.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Rey, if anything, Allana feels sorry for forgetting that Ben doesn’t know about her. She kept asking me if I knew his number because she wants to talk to him. She wants to make it right between the two of you. That’s why she refused to sleep until I convinced her that it’s best to wait until everyone… you… even Ben… has calmed down.”

Rey is doing her best to keep her tears from falling.

“Your daughter…”

“Our daughter. You’re still her dad, Armie. That will never change.” Rey corrects him.

“Perhaps because of what she’s experienced at such a young age… having us as her immediate family… our lifestyle… our divorce… Allana is made of stronger stuff. She’s like you, Rey… but with bull-headed determination. I don’t know where that comes from but it’s certainly not me.”

Rey manages to smile a little. She knows exactly where Allana gets that trait.

“Rey, give your daughter some credit. If she wants to help you, let her.”

“I just want to protect her, Armie. I don’t want her to get hurt.”

“We all do but, sooner or later, Allana will need to deal with this and a lot more things can hurt her. We cannot always be there but we must trust her to make the right choices and guide her when she needs us.”

They started walking towards the dining room. When they pass by a mirror, Rey quickly checks her reflection and wipes her tears with a tissue that Armie hands to her. She wants to be strong for Allana. When she sees her daughter at the dinner table, speaking with her adoptive grandparents about plans to visit LA next year, Rey beams with pride.

She chooses hope, as she sits beside Allana to eat. She squeezes her hand and she gets the same in return.

*******

It’s an hour past lunchtime when Ben wakes up. He assesses his surroundings and he knows that he’s in Rose’s apartment. He pulls himself up, sits on her couch and rubs his eyes a little.

He hears Rose from a distance, speaking with someone over the phone. When she is done, she notices that he’s awake and approaches him, a little too slow, like he’s a bomb waiting to explode.

Well, isn’t he? He rolls his eyes as she sits beside him on her couch.

“Rose…”

Rose gives him a small smile and raises her two hands. “I’m just making sure that you won’t punch me, Ben.”

Ben chuckles. “I won’t.”

“Good. How are you feeling?”

“My head hurts like hell but I think I’ll survive.”

“I got Tylenol but you better eat first. I already ordered some food.”

She stands up and moves to her kitchen. He sees a lot of boxes on her counter.

“I didn’t know what you’re in the mood for so I got margherita pizza and pecan pie from Roberta’s and honey walnut shrimp and chow mein from Panda Express. I know it’s too much but you can use some food. I can use some food, too.”

Ben can’t stop his smile forming on his face.

“Thank you, Tico.”

“You’re welcome, Solo.”

Ben takes a pizza slice from the box. It was still warm when he takes a bite. He hums his satisfaction.

“Oh, by the way, this dropped from your pants while you were sleeping. I charged it. I didn’t look at it. I promise.”

From her side of the counter, Rose hands him his phone. Ben looks at the notifications: text messages from Leia and Han, three missed calls and voice messages from Rey. He sighs. He puts it face down on the counter and continues with his lunch.

“Aren’t you going to answer those?”

“Rose, we’re having lunch…”

“I know, but it might be important.”

“I thought you didn’t look.”

“I didn’t but I saw the notifications when I plugged your phone to the charger. It’s not exactly looking.”

Rose glares at him as she takes a bite off her pizza.

“Come on, Rose. Spill. I know you’ve been waiting for an opportunity to say something.”

“What do you want me to say, Ben? Do you want me to call Rey and curse her in four languages until her ears can’t handle it for hiding Allana from you?”

Ben flinches at what she said.

“No, not really.”

“I can do that, Ben. You know, I can.”

“I know.”

“But I won’t.”

Silence passes through them as Rose reaches for the take-out carton that contains the honey walnut shrimp . Ben passes it to her.

“You love me too much, Tico. It’s sickening.”

Rose casts him a side glance. She smiles a little as she gets some shrimp on her plate.

“You know I care about you, like you're my brother, right?”

Ben nods.

“A wonderful yet overgrown oaf for a brother.”

Ben feigns a pained look on his face. Rose chuckles and Ben joins her.

“Ben, it doesn’t a rocket scientist to see that… despite what Rey did… you still love her. Also, you got a daughter. Who would’ve thought that reunion will bring a lot of surprises up its sleeve? Han is right. Don’t waste time in not getting to know Allana just because you can’t handle Rey’s deception. I know it’s a lot to take in…”

“It is.”

“Ben, be honest. Can you imagine yourself not being with Rey? Can you imagine your life without her, with or without Allana in the picture?”

Ben’s heart aches at the thought and Rose picks up on it.

“You can’t Ben, that’s why I know you’ll get past this. If you want, and I insist, I can refer you to my psychiatrist. It will help you deal with what you’re feeling. I can give her a call and set the earliest appointment as soon as possible.”

Ben considers the offer. “That’ll be great, Rose. Thanks.”

“Let’s finish lunch, shall we? Here’s the Tylenol. You’re still allowed to crash on my couch for as long as you want.”

Ben and Rose continue to eat and their conversation shifts to some of their to-do lists for the next year and their plans for New Year’s Eve. Once done, he helps her clear the kitchen counter and wash the dishes. Rose excuses herself as she goes to her bedroom to make a call. He returns to her couch and responds to Leia and Han’s text messages. He then checks his voicemails and hears Rey’s voice. His heart constricts a little as he listens to her last voice mail and silently whispers into the void.

_I love you, Rey. With all my heart._

*******

It was late in the afternoon when Rey arrives in the city, along with Armie and Allana. DJ parks the SUV at her designated slot and they all go up to her apartment, suitcases and unopened presents in tow. She checks her phone again to see if Ben replied to any of her messages. She still got nothing.

 _I guess we will have to surprise you then_ , Rey thought.

Armie walks towards the guest bedroom beside Allana’s room.

“Do you need any help tidying it up?” Rey asks.

“No need, I’ll take care of it.” Armie replies.

Allana tugs at her cape, “Mum, can we go to Ben’s place now? Please?”

“Aren’t you tired from the trip sweetheart? We can do it tomorrow. I haven’t gotten any replies from him yet.”

“Mum, didn’t we agree that we will visit Ben as soon as we got back to the city?”

“Yes but…”

“So let’s go. Come on, mum.”

Armie chuckles, “Where does Ben live?”

Rey replies, “On the other side of Midtown, a few blocks away from the Empire State Building.”

“Why not DJ drop you and Allana off then he’ll fetch you when you’re done? I’ll have food delivered for dinner.”

“I think that’s a good idea, dad. Mum?”

“Alright, let’s go sweetheart.”

The three of them return to the parking lot and they travel to Ben’s apartment. DJ drops them in front of the building after 20 minutes.

“Just give me a call when you’re done. Oh, and Rey, hope it’s okay if I crash on your couch before I return to the Hamptons tomorrow and go back to LA with Brendol and Maratelle.”

“Sure DJ, thanks for dropping us off.”

“My pleasure.”

DJ drives away just as Allana nearly slips on the pavement. She is able to hold on to Rey’s cape in time and Rey catches her.

“Whoa, that’s slippery.”

“Are you alright my love?”

“Yes, mum. This is where Ben lives? It’s really nice.”

“He lives on the topmost floor and he has his own elevator access.”

Allana whistles, “That’s posh. I love ours, mum, but this is something else.”

They approached the doorman and Rey greets him.

“Hello, George. Good afternoon!”

“Well, hello Ms. Johnson. It’s so nice you. Who is this lovely girl you’re with?”

“This is my daughter, Allana. Allana, this is George.”

“Hello! How do you do, sir?”

“I’m fine, dear girl. How about you? I saw you slip earlier but you got good reflexes. The snow melted earlier today that’s why the roads and sidewalks are a bit slippery.”

“I’m okay. Mum got me.”

“Indeed she does. What brings you here, Ms. Johnson?”

“I’m here to see, Ben. Is he up?”

“I’m sorry to say ma’am but I was told that he left the building before my shift started this morning and he hasn’t returned yet.”

“Oh. Did he say where he was going?”

“He didn’t. He just left the building and walked somewhere.”

“Is it okay if we stayed at the lounge until he returns?”

“Sure. Maybe he’ll be return anytime soon.”

Rey and Allana enter the building and sat at one of the long, leather couches that are meant for guests. She fishes her phone, looks for Ben’s number and calls him. It gets routed to voicemail yet again.

_“Hi, Ben. It’s me. Are you coming back to your apartment any time soon? I’m here. Let’s talk, please.”_

Rey ends the call and exhales her frustration. Allana rests her head on her shoulder.

“Mum, it’s okay. I can wait.”

“I know my love, but we can’t stay long too. I don’t want your dad to worry. Let’s wait for 30 minutes, okay? If he’s not back, we should go home. We can try again tomorrow.”

“Sure, mum.”

They wait. Thirty minutes and a few more attempts to call him passed, Rey and Allana decide to go home. She calls DJ to pick them up. They were waiting when Allana’s stomach growls.

“Mum, I’m hungry.”

“I know, sweetheart. DJ will be here any minute.”

“There’s a hotdog stand nearby, mum. Can I get one?”

“But it’ll ruin your appetite for dinner…”

“Mum, please. I’m really hungry.”

“Alright, let’s get one for DJ and your dad too.”

Allana leaps from her seat and runs out of the building towards the hotdog stand.

“Sweetheart, be careful.” Rey runs after Allana and, out of the blue, she hears a man shouting.

“Hey kid, outta my way. Outta my way.”

Rey sees a bike messenger about to hit Allana. She grabs her before he does. However, her cape snags on to the bicycle’s rear wheel and drags her. She slips, while hugging Allana to her chest, and hits her head on the pavement.

Everything went black.

*******

Ben wakes up from his Tylenol-infused, afternoon sleep. He should’ve asked Rose if she had a no-drowse variant but, then again, even if she does have one, she probably won’t let him take it. There’s a Post-It note on top of his phone when he gets it from the coffee table.

_B, I’m in my office. Have a few meetings to attend to. Just knock if you want to eat dinner. – R_

He removes the note to check if he has any messages. There were five missed calls and voicemails, all from Rey.

_“Hi, Ben. It’s me. Are you coming back to your apartment any time soon? I’m here. Let’s talk, please.”_

_“Hi, Ben. It’s me again. Hope you’re on your way back to your apartment. There’s someone else who’d like to see you.”_

_“Hi, Ben. George told me you left since this morning. I’m getting worried. Hope you’re somewhere safe. Please call me as soon as you get this.”_

_“Hi, Ben. I know you asked for some time to take in all of this. I’m really, really sorry for what I’ve done. Someone wants to say sorry to you too.”_

_“Hi, Ben. It’s getting late and we need to go home. We will come and visit again tomorrow. I’ll never stop trying until we talk. I love you.”_

Ben digests the voicemails he got from Rey.

_Someone? We? What does she mean? Is Allana… Shit!_

Ben goes to Rose’s home office. He is near the door when Rose exits it. She has a horrified look on her face.

“Rose, I need to go back to my apartment. It’s Rey, she’s there with Allana.”

“Ben, I just got a call from Finn. Rey is in the hospital. She hit her head on the sidewalk as she was leaving your apartment. She was protecting Allana from a bike messenger.”

“Which hospital?”

“Mount Sinai.”

Ben and Rose quickly exit her apartment and hail a cab.

“Mount Sinai, on the double please. It’s an emergency.” Rose tells the driver.

Ben feels like a wreck and is torn by a lot of what-ifs in his head. Rose tries to calm him down.

“She’s going to be fine, Ben. I’m sure she will be.”

“Did Finn tell you anything else? Is Allana safe? Fuck, I shouldn’t have left.”

“Nothing. He’s waiting for us at the hospital. We’ll get more information as soon as we get there, okay? Stay calm, Ben.”

It takes them thirty minutes to get to the hospital because of traffic. When they arrive, Finn is waiting at the emergency room entrance.

“Come with me.”

The three of them navigate through the hospital until they get to the operating room area. Ben’s heart sinks. He sees Rey’s ex-husband, Armie, and Allana, sitting near the entrance. Allana runs toward him, tears streaming down her cheeks, and starts hitting his chest with her fists, punctuating each word she says.

“Where… were… you? My… mum… I… thought… you… loved… her… How… could… you?”

Ben kneels and tries to hug Allana. She continues to beat his chest. He takes it. He takes all of it.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I love her. I do. I’m so sorry.”

“I… hate… you. I… hate… you. I… HATE… YOU!” Each word feels like a dagger to his chest. He deserves it.

Armie comes closer and gets Allana from Ben.

“Shhh… Sweetheart, don’t say that. You don’t mean that, okay? Ben doesn’t know what happened to your mum.”

Allana cries some more. Finn intervenes, gets Allana from Armie and carries her away from the operating room. Rose joins him and leaves Armie and Ben alone. A woman in scrubs exits the operating room a few minutes after. Both of them stand to meet her.

“Mr. Hux? Hi, I’m Dr. Ahsoka Tano, neuro-surgeon. I’m handling Ms. Johnson’s case.”

“How is she?” Armie asks.

“Ms. Johnson suffered a concussion when she hit her head on the pavement. The good news is, her scans show that she does not have any skull fractures nor any trauma to her brain. She does have subdural hematoma though and we will be operating on her shortly to address it. I’ll provide an update once we have completed the procedure.”

“Please do everything you can, Dr. Tano. We’ll be waiting.”

Dr. Tano nods and returns inside the operating room. Ben sits on the bench. Armie follows suit and extends his hand to him.

“I know this is not the most opportune time. I’m Armitage Hux. You can call me, Armie.”

Ben takes his hand and shakes it firmly in return, “Ben. Benjamin Solo.”

“Don’t take what Allana said personally, Ben. I know she doesn’t mean it. She’s like that when she’s upset. She lets her feelings get the best of her sometimes, like her mum.”

“Thanks for saying that. I do feel I am to be blamed by all of this. Had I not left my apartment…”

“You didn’t know, Ben. It was an accident. Nobody wanted it to happen. Not even the bike messenger, who profusely apologized earlier because he thought I was going to file a lawsuit.”

“I might’ve, if I were you.”

“I’m sure you would. You seem to be the kind of guy who’d fight for what is right. I think Allana gets that from you.”

Ben raises his head at this information. Armie continues.

“While Rey was not sold on the idea, Allana insisted that she joins because she wants to speak to you. She felt guilty during your first meeting because she forgot that you don’t know about her yet.”

“How did she recognize me?”

“Rey introduced you to Allana by showing your pictures, your recent reunion video and your work. Allana’s been going through private therapy sessions after Rey finally told her about you. It wasn’t easy at first but she made a breakthrough and she’s wants to get to know you.”

“I’m not sure that’s the same sentiment Allana has right now.”

“Don’t beat up yourself about it, Ben. Allana has experienced a lot of things not normal for kids her age. She’s made of stronger stuff. You’ll see that, when you get to know her.”

Their conversation is broken by Armie’s phone ringing and he answers it.

“Hey, Finn… Okay… How is she? That’s great. Thanks for staying over. Appreciate it.”

Armie looks at Ben, and keeps him in the loop.

“That was Finn. He went back to Rey’s apartment with Allana. She’s asleep. Meanwhile, your friend went to your apartment to get some clothes, in case you plan to stay here.”

“Thanks, Armie.”

An hour and a half later, Rose arrives carrying a small duffel and a take-out bag from Starbucks.

“Hey, any update about Rey?” Rose asks as she hands Ben the duffel and sits beside him.

“She’s undergoing operation as we speak. We haven’t received any update from the doctor.” Ben replies.

Rose looks at Armie and addresses him.

“Hi, I believe we haven’t properly met. I’m Rose Tico, Ben’s publicist.”

“And friend.” Ben adds.

“And friend,” Rose supplies and extends her hand. Armie takes it and shakes it gently.

“Em, Armitage Hux. You can call me, Armie. Pleasure to meet you, Rose.”

“Likewise, although the circumstance is a bit awkward.”

Armie nods his head as he lets go of her hand. Ben finds himself staring at them.

“Um, I didn’t know how you like your coffee so I got two drip ones. There’s space for half and half, and there’s brown sugar packets in the bag.”

Rose gets one cup and gives it to Ben, as well as the other one and passes it to Armie. Perhaps it’s either stress or his hyperactive imagination but Ben notices Armie’s fingers linger a little before he gets his cup from Rose.

“Thanks, Rose. It’s perfect.”

“Oh, um, you’re welcome.”

Just then, the operating room opens and Dr. Tano approaches them.

“Mr. Hux, I am pleased to inform you that the operation was successful. We were able to clear the blood clots and relieve the pressure from Ms. Johnson’s brain. She will be transferred to her room in an hour but we can only accommodate one companion for now, until start of visiting hours tomorrow. We will be monitoring her condition for the next 24 hours but I’m confident with her recovery. We medically induced her to sleep to minimize any post-operative pain.”

“Thank you so much, Dr. Tano! Appreciate everything you’ve done.”

Dr. Tano leaves and Ben exhales in relief. Armie taps him on his shoulder.

“Ben, are you okay to accompany Rey? I’ll go back to her apartment and check on Allana. I’m sure she’ll be happy to find out that her mum is safe.”

“Sure, Armie. I don’t mind.”

“Let’s wait until we know the room number before I leave. Do you need a lift home, Rose?”

Rose replies, “It’s okay, I can take a cab. I don’t want to inconvenience you or anything.”

“It’s not an inconvenience.”

“Don’t you want to get home to Allana immediately?”

“I won’t take no for an answer.”

“Okay, if you insist. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Ben feels like he’s in a middle of a tennis match between Rose and Armie. _What is going on here?_

An hour later, a nurse meets them and tells the room number where Rey was transported. He says goodnight to Armie and Rose -- “Call me if you need anything, Ben” -- and follows the nurse. He completes all the safety precautions needed before he enters her room. The moment he lays eyes on her, he feels his heart crack in several places. He sees the bandage on the right side of her head, some scratches on her face, the intravenous drip on her left, and some machines with pads attached to her head and body, monitoring her vital signs and brain activity.

Ben deposits his duffel bag in the anteroom, then pulls a chair to sit beside Rey. He touches her right hand. It feels soft and fragile in his. He tries to find the right words to say to her, even if Rey isn’t awake, but he can’t. His conversation with Rose earlier echoes in his brain.

_Can you imagine your life without her?_

At this, Ben kisses each knuckle and the back of her hand. He silently cries.

_I’m here, Rey. I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. I love you._

*******

Sixteen hours after her operation, Rey wakes up. She blinks several times to adjust her eyes as everything looks hazy. She notices her intravenous drip first then registers beeps from the machines attached to her.

_I’m in a hospital. Why am I here?_

She tries to remember what happened. She recalls Allana running to the hotdog stand, the bike messenger and her protecting Allana before she got hit and then nothing. Her head throbs in pain. She gingerly touches her temple with her free hand and gasps as she felt a bandage. Then, she registers a familiar head resting on the foot of her bed.

Ben.

She tries to speak to call his attention. Her throat feels dry.

“Ben… Ben…”

He picks up on her voice and lifts his head.

“Rey? Rey. You’re awake. Thank heavens! Um, wait. I need to call the nurse.”

Ben exits the room and calls the attention of the attending nurse, who enters within minutes.

“Hello, Ms. Johnson. I’m Melody. Dr. Tano will be here shortly. How are you feeling?”

“My head hurts and my throat feels dry.”

Melody pats Rey’s dry lips with a warm towel and gives her a cup of water. Rey empties it and feels better.

“Will you be able to describe the pain you’re feeling?”

“Like I’m having a migraine and my head throbs.”

“I see. If you were to describe it from 1-10…”

“It’s worse than a sprained ankle but less than giving birth to a child.”

Ben interjects, “Is that normal?”

Melody addresses him, “It is, Mr. Solo, especially for patients who suffered moderate head trauma. Let’s wait until Dr. Tano arrives so she can give her official prognosis.”

Dr. Tano enters the room ten minutes later. She acknowledges the nurse and Ben, before approaching Rey, checking her chart and the machines.

“Hello, Ms. Johnson. I’m Dr. Ahsoka Tano, the neuro-surgeon who handled your case. How are you feeling?”

“My head hurts and my throat felt dry earlier but Melody gave me water.”

Dr. Tano gets closer and gives Rey a few instructions while flashing a pen light on her each of her eyes.

“Do you feel anything else: nausea, dizziness…”

“No, just the throbbing.”

Dr. Tano nods. She checks on the machines strapped to Rey, hits a few buttons and prints out something.

“Your readings look good, Ms. Johnson. You’re on your way to full recovery but I’d caution any sudden movements that may aggravate your injury for the next 24-48 hours. I’d like to keep you for an extra day just to make sure everything is alright before you get discharged. I can prescribe some morphine if the throbbing feels unbearable.”

“Thank you, Dr. Tano. I think I can manage it. I’ll ask Melody if I need it.”

“Good. I’ll visit again tomorrow morning. You’re in good hands with Melody and Mr. Solo right here.”

Dr. Tano exits the room with Melody. Rey sees them talking, before going separate ways. She is left alone with Ben.

“Ben?”

“Um, I need to call Armie and tell him you’re awake. Excuse me.”

Ben leaves Rey, stops in the anteroom, gets his mobile phone from where he was charging it and goes to the lobby.

Rey realizes that the cellular service was probably weak given the machines strapped to her. She sees Ben pacing back and forth, making one call after another. He doesn’t return immediately but when he does, he tells her what she needs to know.

“Armie and Allana will be here in a bit, just in time for visiting hours. Your team will follow after. There’s a strict limit to the number of visitors inside the room so…”

“Ben, sit beside me. Please.”

Ben pulls the chair next to her. Rey cradles his face with her free hand and rubs her thumb across his cheek, as if she is memorizing every birthmark that makes his face unique and beautiful. A lone, traitorous tear escapes Ben. Rey catches and wipes it, her eyes glistening with her own unshed tears. He kisses her palm, echoing what she did the last time they saw each other. It feels like months have passed instead of just days… hours...

They are disturbed by the door opening and Allana entering the room, with Armie behind her. Ben stands and quietly leaves the room to give them some space. Allana sits on Rey’s bed and hugs her.

“Sweetheart, I don’t think it’s safe to hug your mum yet. She just woke up.”

Rey looks at Armie, “It’s okay. My head hurts but Dr. Tano says I’m fine. Just no sudden movements.”

Allana rests her head on Rey’s chest, “You scared me, mum.”

“I’m okay, my darling.”

“I’m so sorry. I promise to be more patient. Darn this stomach.”

Both Rey and Armie chuckle while Allana smiles. She lifts her head from Rey’s chest and seems to be looking for someone inside the room.

“Mum, where is Ben?”

It’s Armie who answers, “I think he left the room to give us some privacy.”

Rey adds, “Why are you looking for him, my darling?”

“I want to talk to him.”

“Allana…” came Armie’s warning tone.

“It’s alright, dad. I know what I need to do.”

Allana looks at Rey as if to answer her unspoken question, “Mum, I said many bad… hurtful things to Ben yesterday. I was so angry. I blamed him for what happened to you.”

“Oh, my darling girl. It’s not Ben’s fault.”

“I know mum, that’s why I want to talk to him. May I go and find him?”

“Go ahead sweetheart, but come back if you don’t see him nearby please.”

Allana nods and she exits the room. She doesn’t have to go far to look for Ben. He is sitting on one of the hospital benches along its lobby. His face is buried in his hands and his shoulders are shaking. Allana approaches him slowly. When she is in front of him, she cards her hand in his hair and her fingers lightly graze his ear. Ben lifts his head and looks at her.

“Allana, I…”

Allana hugs him. It takes a second before her action registers with Ben and he hugs her in return. He puts his head gently on her shoulder. She cries along with him.

“I’m sorry, Ben. I’m sorry for what I said. I was so scared.”

“You don’t need to explain, Allana. You had every right to say that. I wasn’t there. Something else… something worse could’ve happened to your mum. I won’t be able to forgive myself.”

Allana breaks the hug to hold Ben’s face in her small, gentle hands. She wipes his tears and he does the same for her. She looks at him intently.

“Do you hate me?”

“No, Allana. I don’t think I can ever hate you.”

“Do you hate my mum for keeping me a secret?”

Ben finds himself in awe of Allana’s inquisitiveness. It reminds him so much of who he was when he was her age. He was curious about everything and he soaked up every new discovery, including his family’s history. He was surprised that neither Han nor Leia want to talk about it, even his Uncle Luke. It didn’t stop him from seeking for answers on his own and when he found out that his grandfather was sentenced to long-term imprisonment due to massive fraud, it shook him. He tried to confront Han and Leia about this information. They tried to explain to him why they didn’t tell him. They were protecting him -- it was their excuse -- which became one of the reasons why he resented them.

Rey, on the other hand, did not hide him from Allana. She told her about him when it was time. Allana is aware of his existence and she seems like she wants to get to know him. This realization strikes him as he answers Allana’s question.

“I want to be honest with you, Allana.”

“I want that too.”

“I will admit that I hated your mum for keeping you away from me. I was not aware that you exist until two days ago, when I saw you. I feel like I was robbed of every opportunity to be in your life. There is a part of me, though, that understands why your mum did it. It was to protect you because she loves you. Sometimes, people do things without thinking it through because the love or the hate they feel blinds them.”

“Like what I did yesterday, when I hit you and said all of those mean words.”

Ben smiles a little. To Allana, it probably looks like he winced since she asked…

“Does your chest hurt, Ben? I think I hit you a lot.”

Ben replies, “A little but I know I deserved it.”

“Mum once told me, in one of our chats with Dr. Holdo, that if she was given a chance to correct a mistake, it was her keeping me from you. She said she had so much anger, so much hate, for what you did to her but it didn’t… um… she realized that you still need to know the truth. She feels terrible that she waited this long to tell me and, now, you.”

Allana shifts her position to sit beside Ben and she puts her hand on top of his.

“Can you promise me something, Ben?”

“Anything, Allana.”

“Love my mum, because I can see that she loves you very much.”

Ben gathers Allana in his arms, “I promise. You have my permission to hit me a thousand times if I break that.”

“I’ll remember it.”

She stands up, gives Ben a peck on his cheek -- which makes him blush a little -- and pulls his arm.

“Let’s go back to my mum, please. I don’t want her to worry.”

Ben returns with Allana in Rey’s room. Rey looks at Allana and then him, a silent question in her stare. Ben gives her a nod, telling her that everything’s going to be okay.

“Mum, Ben and I are good now. I asked him to make a promise. He swears he will not break it.”

“Oh, I definitely won’t.” Ben adds.

Rey asks, “What is it?”

“I made him promise to love you or I’ll hit his chest a thousand times if he breaks it.”

Everyone in the room laughs.

Rey adds, “You know what, my love, I’ll help you with punching Ben if he breaks his promise.”

Ben’s cheeks blush a deep shade of red.

Armie then said, “Sweetheart, let’s leave them for a while. I’m hungry and I’m not exactly in the mood for hospital food.”

“Armie, will you kindly ask Melody if I can eat too? I’m starving.”

“We can buy you an avocado toast, mum. Do you also want one, Ben?”

“Sure, anything is fine Allana. Thank you.”

She leaves the room with Armie. Ben reclaims his space beside Rey’s bed and holds her hand.

“Allana is the most fascinating, beautiful human being I’ve ever met.”

“She is because she’s half yours.”

Ben shakes his head, “I need to earn that. I want to earn that privilege of being her dad, even if it takes me many… many years.”

“You will. We’ll do this together, Ben.”

“But right now, I want to fulfil my promise to her.”

Ben stands from his chair and kisses Rey deeply. She returns his kiss until they are both breathless.

“I love you, Rey.”

“I love you, Ben.”

*******

There’s something indescribable when everything comes together, when it is just as it should be. There’s an ease to it. Sometimes, there are detours but these only make the journey richer that even the most well-made plans pale in comparison once everything falls into place.

That’s how Ben finds himself joining Rey, Allana, Armie, Finn and Poe in her apartment on New Year’s Eve. Rose tags along with him, on Armie’s invitation, and he finds Rey smiling ear-to-ear. Who would’ve thought, her ex-husband and his best friend?

They counted down to the New Year as fireworks light up New York’s skyline. Ben carries Allana on his right so that she gets a good view while Rey is on his left, leaning on him as she points at one display after another. He tucks Allana in her bed when she falls asleep on his shoulder and gives a soft kiss on her forehead. His dad was right -- being a parent comes naturally. He still accepts that he needs to earn it and, as a result, he agreed to join the therapy sessions, hoping one day, Allana gets to call him dad. While he knows they have time, he never wastes every moment as he finds comfort in Rey’s embrace as he joins her in her bed.

Coincidences have added more flavor in their lives when Ben discovers that the psychiatrist Rose recommended happens to be Dr. Amilyn Holdo. The first few weeks into the new year are filled with individual and joint sessions, either at his apartment or Rey’s. When Allana visits his place for the first time, accompanied by Rey and Amilyn, he is so nervous that he had it cleaned down to every square inch and he almost cleared the nearby convenience store with every conceivable thing she may like or want to eat, since she has Rey’s insatiable appetite. He tours her around his apartment, shows him his office, his recording studio, his bedroom, two other guest rooms and the roof deck. He shows her a picture of Han and Leia and tells her, after asking, that she will meet them soon and she does, a few more sessions after, when they visit him in the city.

February arrives and with it comes the excitement for Allana’s tenth birthday. Ben suggests having it in the Hamptons, at his parent’s place, to which Rey agrees. They let Allana decide who to invite and she puts down a small list, mostly family and a few of their friends.

“They’re all I want to see, mum.”

Everyone pitches in the planning for her birthday, from the meals to the party favors. When the day arrives, Allana is so happy as she blows the candles to make a wish while everyone looks on. She tugs on Rey’s arm and she kneels to receive Allana’s hug and kisses. However, with Ben, Allana pulls him away from the small party to the living room.

“Do you want to know my wish?”

“If you tell me, they say it won’t come true.”

“Oh, I think you will make it come true. You’ve kept your promise so it won’t be a problem if I tell you.”

“Okay, I’m listening.”

“Mum told me that she will be away for work soon for quite some time.”

“She also told me that. I will miss her.”

“Me too.”

“So, what is your wish then?”

“I wished that she will allow me to stay with you, dad.”

Ben’s vision blurs with tears. It may be Allana’s birthday but she gives him the best gift he could ever ask for, to be called her dad. Allana gets her answer when Ben lifts her, spins her around, and peppers her with kisses. He hugs her tight and doesn’t want to let go.

“I love you, dad. Thanks for the best party ever!”

“I love you too, sweetheart. You have no idea how happy I am right now.”

Rey suddenly appears and joins in the hug. Ben and Allana give room for her.

“What have I missed?”

“Nothing, mum. I just told dad my wish and he promised to make it come true.”

Rey looks at Ben and she finally understands the tears on the corners of his eyes. She mouths the words -- I love you -- to him. Ben kisses her in response. It wasn’t the last time Ben fulfils any of Allana’s wishes.

When the fourth of July comes, as Rey returns from a prolonged shooting schedule, she finds Allana and Ben surprising her in her apartment with a dinner spread of all her favorites. When she sits down in her living room after their meal, Allana hands her a blindfold and tells her there’s more. Rey agrees to put it on and waits for Allana’s cue when to take it off. When she does, she sees Ben in front of her, on one knee, a ring on his hand. She holds her breath.

“Andrea Isobel Johnson, you’ve held my heart from the first moment I saw you and I knew, even when we fell apart, that no one else can fix it but you. You and Allana are the reasons why I live, why I love, and it will be a great honor if you allow me to spend the rest of my life with both of you. Will you marry me?”

“Yes, Benjamin Douglas Solo, I will most definitely marry you.”

Ben puts the ring on Rey’s hand and kisses her. Allana hugs them both and kisses their cheeks, which prompts Rey to suddenly ask.

“My love, did you ask your dad to fulfil another wish of yours?”

“A bit, mum. When I told dad my wish, he said he’s been planning to do this while you were in New Zealand.”

“You did?”

“Yes. Allana was the one who picked the ring. She has a good eye. I wonder where she gets that.” Ben teases and Rey snorts.

“Oh, stop it you two.”

“We love you, mum.”

After working together to clear the dishes and store the leftover food in the fridge, they all sleep on Rey’s bed, with Allana comfortably nestled in between them. She looks at her engagement ring and at Allana and Ben, who have dozed off. She feels complete and at home.

Their lives remain crazy but they always find moments of contentment and happiness -- Allana becoming a flower girl during their wedding, buying and relocating to a bigger apartment in the city, witnessing Armie propose to Rose and moving in together, being parents again to a boy, Finn and Poe finally getting married -- that when they usher another new year three years down the line, they feel nothing but gratitude.

Ben looks at Allana, already thirteen and nearly as tall as Rey, and asks her a question.

“Did you wish for anything, my love?”

“No dad. I think I should pass the wish-making torch to Cassian. Besides, I got everything I wished for and then some.”

Rey joins them and stands beside Ben.

“Is Cassian asleep?” Ben asks.

“Yes, but it took a while. It’s a good thing we decided to temporarily set-up his crib inside your recording studio until all the fireworks settle.”

“Who’s with him, mum?”

“Rose and Armie. It’s good practice for them, actually.”

It was Ben’s turn to ask, “What do you mean?”

“They told me that they want to have a child of their own. They haven’t decided if it is going to be thru adoption or surrogacy but they pursuing it.”

“Mum, that’s amazing! I’m so happy for dad and Rose. They’ll be such wonderful parents. I mean, look at me.”

Rey laughs as Ben kisses her then Allana. As another round of fireworks light up the sky, they feel hope, love and everything else in between, and welcome the promise of more futures that are nothing but bright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S. I'm reconsidering my earlier position about writing FFs. I guess when you start writing one, more ideas come in. I won't post one anytime soon though, but I got something in the pipeline. See you in the next one.
> 
> Non-SW references:
> 
> [Roberta's](https://www.robertaspizza.com/)
> 
> Rey's outfit: her [ivory cashmere turtleneck](https://www.everlane.com/products/womens-cashmere-square-turtleneck-ivory), her [pair of jeans](https://citizensofhumanity.com/collections/womens-slim-fit-jeans/products/harlow-ankle-mid-rise-slim-fit-black-leather) and her [grey, wool cape with stripe-detail](https://us.burberry.com/stripe-detail-wool-cape-p80370991)
> 
> Ben's outfit: his [gray cotton t-shirt](https://www.sunspel.com/euro/mens-organic-cotton-tshirt-in-grey-melange.html), his [black jeans](https://citizensofhumanity.com/products/london-slim-fit-black-beach) and his [hooded jacket](https://www.columbia.com/p/mens-ascender-hooded-softshell-jacket-1556551.html?dwvar_1556551_color=043&pos=1)


End file.
